Wednesday, 1 September 2010

Digging holes

Sometimes I think it is better to just make a statement, rather than try to explain; I just wish I found it easier.

Yes I'm talking about that great bugbear of my life:  Justification

For most of my adult life I have felt that I have to justify my actions, thoughts, non-actions and decisions.  A lot of the time it is because people ask "Why?" but sometimes I will give my justification in anticipation of the question; because I know they will ask me, or I can see in their face that they are not just going to just accept my statement.  I even found myself justifying to a member of my sailing club WHY I just didn't feel like going racing that evening, which afterwards felt like such a waste of 10 minutes of my life.

Quite often I find that when I explain 'why', that is not accepted, or it's argued (especially when the other person has an interest in the decision) and I have to dig deeper and deeper into myself desperately searching for more reasons why am thinking, acting or proposing to act that way I am.  "Man in hole should stop digging" but somehow I keep shovelling.  This in turn fosters a resentment for the person I am telling, who evidently just Doesn't Get It.

What makes us feel we have to justify our thoughts and decisions?   I'm not talking about big decisions that affect our nearest and dearest, but those that really are not life-changing.  Surely our lives are our own?   Why can we not just say "I have decided so-and-so" and that's that.

I am going to try and change this about myself, and practice some assertion. Maybe it will stop me worrying about how I am going to justify still being in my pyjamas at 10am, to the dog.


  1. I used to do this all the time and then a friend of mine told me just to say 'Cause I just don't feel like it' and do you know what? It works rather well :-)

    C x

  2. Yeah that one works for my eg. sailing example!

    I think that yet again it goes back to my parents, they have always wanted to know the reasoning behind decisions; a lot of the time they are genuinely interested in how/we came to a decision, but it does make me feel that I can't decide on something without having a list of at least 10 good reasons ;-)


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