Progress...

Carina's comment on my post from a year ago made me think about just how much things have moved on since April 2011.

Mr H has been through various forestry interviews and possible new houses/flats to move to, and then ended up moving home so actually it was a good thing none of them were successful. Although it didn't feel it at the time when he turned down a really nice house just in case he got the job in a different district!  And his new job is brilliant... will it last? who knows, but as he said tonight "we'll make hay while the sun shines".   If it goes belly up in a year's time, none of this will have been wasted, just like the forestry time hasn't been wasted.  I know that our parallel life, if Mr H hadn't said about 5 years ago 'I want to go to college and learn forestry and give up upholstery', would not have been nearly as rewarding as our life is now.

***

In the last couple of weeks I have gone on a normality spree. Maybe it was the orthopaedic expert looking at me as if I was making up the pain in my leg, or maybe it was talking boats and sailing with a friend (that sounds odd, given that I talk boats all day, but this was related to pleasure not work!), but I seem to have switched gears.

Mr H and I having taken out the Heron dinghy three or so weeks ago, on Easter Sunday I took the Topaz 'Purpletrator' out:

It wasn't as comfortable, as there was very little wind so I spent most of the half hour scrunched up in the bottom of the boat, and hurting when I had to move!  But, I went out and survived and will go out again this weekend.   

I also spent an evening on Friday with a bunch of old sailing friends who were doing a regatta in Cowes, and felt rather envious of them because I wished that it was me going out on the water with them the next day. That is the first time really that I've missed sailing with them, it's the camaraderie and fun of being part of a crew as much as the sailing itself.  I think that I should aim to be out yachting in 2013!

Today I put myself back on the sailing club duty roster, although with some conditions.  So I'm back on the roster for driving a safety boat (but with a crew who is also qualified to drive so we can swap places), but staying off tractor driving duty for now (for launching the safety RIBs). Mainly because doing both involves a lot of running around by the time I have launched and recovered three boats. And I've said that I'll train as an assistant race officer as long as it's ashore, since doing it on the races that start out in the Solent involves clambering on and off an old lifeboat to/from a RIB, probably in a bit of sea - it's rare that the Solent is flat! 

There is a training day for race officers and assistants at the end of May, but I'll miss it as I have an OU tutorial that day; but the sailing secretary and I agreed that since I know all the basics he's just going to throw me in the deep end, so that will be fun.

Oh and last on my list (but certainly not least) for this month of getting back to normal is going to be a week in the Lake District, hill walking and cycling amongst other things. That will be really interesting to see how much the beautiful view distracts me from how much things hurt!   

And now I must get on with some studying, I have a review to write of 'Protecting Scotland's Communities - Fair, Fast and Flexible Justice', which my tutor said was very boring, but naturally I found it interesting because I'm strange like that...

News and emotional confusion

Aarggh I don't know what kind of mood I am in at the moment - the opposite to how everyone would imagine I would be feeling just now...

I have some news to catch you up on, and that is that Mr H. has a new job and will be moving home at Christmas!   What a relief to have an end to the 'indefinite period' in Scotland... not that either of us regret it in any way at all, we have both learned a lot from the experience, but we'd both got to the point where we just wanted to be together (and be able to DO things at a moment's notice.  That is darn tricky when you are 450 miles apart, everything becomes a logistical nightmare).

He is moving out of forestry, by necessity rather than choice. ie. in the end, the need for him to come home out-weighed staying in forestry.  But the new job he has is pretty cool - trimming classic Jaguar cars (ie. upholstery and making carpets, hoods etc.).  And better still it is about 2 miles from our house, better than we could have imagined. Sooo he comes home before Christmas and New Year and doesn't go away again!

Meanwhile I fly to Phuket, Thailand (sorry Carol) on Thursday morning to work at a big regatta there.  I'm not a particularly good long-haul traveller in that I get dreadful pre-travel nerves, although I am usually fine as soon as I am in the taxi - it's the few days beforehand that make me a wreck. But hey, a week of sun, sea and sand is something to look forward to, even if I do have to still work as well.

Two things to be excited about, so why do I feel that I've had an emotional relapse and am suddenly depressed...?

A week of reality - or was it?

As Karen S. noticed, I didn't have the time or energy to post last week!   It felt as though Mr H was home for about three weeks not one (in a good way haha!) and yes we were still speaking to each other by the end of it. We were both exhausted though, having worked our way through the list of things we wanted to do!

It was a suspension of reality in a way, because we wouldn't normally spend a week's holiday at home together - it was a bit like having 4 weekends back-to-back.

We both noticed how these days we are so much on the same wavelength, I think being apart has improved that (you'd think it would be the opposite, wouldn't you?).  On one day I gave him a hand to put the engine back into his A35 van... it was tricky and involved trolley jacks and blocks of wood, mixed in with brute strength and brains to get everything lined up.  Although it is years since we worked in an old car together, it just fell into place totally naturally, each knowing exactly what the other meant.  It felt really good.

(Not that we always agree on things, and sometimes talk at completely cross-purposes, but then we normally end up having a joke about the fact we don't have a clue what each other is talking about...!)

On Tuesday we drove 250 miles for an interview - for him not me - in an urban woodland area.   When we arrived we thought 'oh my goodness' as it was quite busy with visitors, it must be absolutely heaving on a bank holiday. The district was lots of small woodlands in a built up area so would have involved lots of driving on busy roads - the complete opposite of where he is now!  But it was half the distance away from home so that was a big plus point.  The interview went ok but we suspect that Mr H was the 'token outsider' since the other applicants were from that district; he didn't get the job, but he said that saved him having to decide whether he wanted it or not. Something else will come up, no doubt.

Walking Django after Mr H's interview

The other big thing last week was that I had x-rays taken. It turned into a bit of a long, stressful morning not helped by the fact I was really tired from the weekend, thankfully Mr H was on hand to rescue me when my emotions got the better of me.  The long and the short of it is that the x-rays looked ok apart from one area at the top break, which doesn't look as though it's got new bone growing, so I've been referred for a CT scan to check it out.  I'm not sure when that will be, sometime in the next couple of months I guess. I was glad about the referral as it is something positive to do, rather than just being sent away with a 'yes it's all progressing fine, see you in another 6 months'.  

The rest of the week we spent gardening, Mr H worked on the van, and other bits and pieces. Oh and I picked 206 quinces!  Oh My Goodness..... I am now down to 95 having got rid of some to friends and family and made two batches of quince jelly (so far). They are too good to throw away, so I might get imaginative with the preserving/recipes!

206 quinces

Oh and how could I forget? it was Mr H's birthday on the 4th... I baked a birthday cake and we had a nice day together. He was on his own in Scotland for it last year, and for quite a few before that we have been away for it, so it felt extra special this year being together at home.

So that was our week... he is now back north but Django is here for a couple of months.  It's good to have the company, and a reason to go for walks - it just doesn't work without a dog!

The week I've been waiting for

Mr H is home tomorrow!!!  for 10 days....  ooh will we still be speaking by the end of next week? ha.

And Django is coming back to stay for a couple of months.  I haven't missed him as much as usual, not sure why; but it will be nice to have company again and stop having to talk to myself.  

So tonight I will be putting the loud music on as it helps me concentrate on the clearing up the mess I live in, before he gets back. I may as well pretend to be one of those tidy wives haha ;-)

My B.A.H.

Every couple of months or so a burst of activity from my solicitor reminds me of events that now seem years ago.  Sometimes I read descriptions and accounts as though it happened to somebody else.  And yet while listening to a Tony Hancock comedy radio show yesterday about hospital visiting, I found myself brushing away tears at the thought of my dedicated husband and how bloody amazing he is.

As I write this, he is on the motorway driving 450 miles to spend the weekend at home with me.  This one wasn't planned until last weekend when I phoned him in a panic because I was worried about the bees, at which point it seemed a really good idea for him to come home.  I can't wait for the day he is maybe 'only' 250 miles away - 4 hours - easy weekend visiting distance. He is now actively looking for a job closer to home, please keep everything crossed for him...

My B.A.H.

Of course Django is accompanying him, so I'm looking forward to some walks and some cuddles (for both of them!)

Got the Blues...

I've not had a good day and a half..  Today I had an afternoon of lachyrmation* and felt just generally miserable.

Partly this is because I am desperately missing Mr H, and I know that he's been missing home. Somehow knowing we are both lonely makes it worse.. I even looked at flights today, for this weekend, but they were far too expensive at this late stage.

I've been trying to reduce my dihydrocodeine (again) because I feel as though that's what I should be doing, although no-one (ie. doctor or consultant) has suggested or requested it.  Over the weekend when I was away, I accidentally ended up on just one a day on the days I should have been having two; and coupled with tiring myself out driving about 250 miles it's knocked me for six, and it came to a head this afternoon.  My leg's been aching much more as well, maybe those tablets are still required to do a job.

I was supposed to be going to my parents' for supper tonight as my sister was visiting, but I knew that it would make me feel worse not better, so I cancelled. I'll see them at the weekend instead.  It's a shame that once one reaches adulthood, parents are so often *not* the best people to cheer up a depressed mood, not in the same way that friends can.

My self-treatment consisted of a large portion of chips from the fish 'n' chip shop (it was a 'small' portion, heaven knows what size the 'large' portions are!) with tomato ketchup.  

Now what I need is an early night and good sleep.....



*the medical or literary term for shedding of tears

Recovering from a Buzzy weekend

I'm too tired to think of a clever-sounding blog post today, so I will instead treat you to some photos from my lovely weekend with Mr H. We spent most of it playing with bees, it's so good to feel enthusiastic about them again after a few disappointing years.

Here are the newly purchased Maisemore bees being transferred into their new home.

And for contrast, here are the Wild Woodside bees, undergoing serious surgery to try and get them into a useable hive.  After our last attempt when Mr H got stung rather a lot, they were remarkably calm this time, which was a) very surprising and b) a relief!

Much of the rest of the weekend we spent fixing up and sorting out all our hive bits, which has needed doing for a few years so that was good. We also spent an afternoon at a local Beer & Cider Festival, mainly because friends of ours were playing live so we went to hear them.  I was driving so Mr H managed to sample 4 pints of local ale, but was still good enough to cook me my favourite meal in the evening!

Finally, here is Spot all ready for his trip back North...  he's in the van as soon as he sees it open and being packed, just in case he misses out on anything!

Shorts: bed

... well today I feel just fine, yesterday must have been it so that's a Good Thing.

Last night I decided to chuck half the pillows off and sleep in the middle of the bed. Usually even when Mr H isn't home I sleep on My Side because it feels normal, so I felt a bit of a rebel.

Ssshhhhh....

Here I am.
In a very.Quiet. House.

Just me.
And the chirpy birds outside.

Mr H and Spot just left to go North.

I'm not too sad though, I just need to adjust to not having the 4-legged, waggy, hungry, spotty thing around, and I'll see them in the middle of June, if all goes to plan.

In the meantime, on with revision and determination to not just pass, but do the best I damn well can..16 days to Exam Day and then I'm on holiday for the summer!!

Oh, I'll still have the day job, but that's no sweat.

And... relax

Hey, well you'll be pleased to hear I'm feeling better since my last post.

Mr H reminded me that the only thing I have to do is Be Here.. which I knew already, but.   I will make the effort to clear a chair in the kitchen and another space on the table though ie. sort out the piles of paperwork which I just shuffle around to make room for a plate.

Gratuitous photograph: A little friend reading a letter

On Tuesday night I had a walk around the field with Django and decided I'd set myself too full a timetable for revising. Even walking the dog helps revision, as I go over things in my head and imagine trying to explain things to people.  So, I'll chill out a bit and also reduce the number of 'just in case' subjects I revise to a cursory read through later.  I'll concentrate on three and hopefully get to know them well enough that it doesn't matter what questions they hit us with on them.

Last night I went over to a friend's for tea of home-made lasagne, and not-so-home-made pavlova supplied by me. I was so tired when I got home from work that I fell asleep and only just woke up in time to go out!  But had a nice relaxing evening just chatting and was home at 10.30pm.

And at 10.30pm tonight I'll be waiting to pick up Mr H at the station - hurrah!  Django doesn't know yet, he will be so excited.

Have a great weekend everybody!

Aaagghh

I should be excited about Mr H coming home for the weekend, and I am of course, but I'm also feeling pretty stressed.

The house needs cleaning, the bed needs changing, have I got enough food? the right food? we've only got 3 nights and one of those we're going out - so I feel annoyed that Mum and Dad want to see us but of course they do and I can't get out of that one.

Three and a half days.. it just isn't long enough.

Django is doing my head in and I wish Mr H was driving down so he could take him back this weekend instead of me having him another two weeks.  I've got revision to do and a stupid pension form and PMS, and the dog whinging for attention constantly is REALLY not helping.

*Sigh* I know I will feel better once Mr H is here, but I'll feel even better when he's taken the whiny little brat to Scotland!

Bumbling along

I've lost interest this evening. In everything.

I could be washing up, proof reading my essay, having a shower, walking Django, writing my blog.... oh.  Well.

After cycling home I did some comprehensive weeding in the vegetable patch. That was enough for me, can I curl up with my book now?

The best part of today was standing under the Laburnum, listening to the constant hum of lots of bumblebees collecting pollen in their trousers...

I could have stood there all day but unfortunately 'stuff' required my attention.  Like work.

My mind's not really on stuff at the moment.

It's thinking about the fact that I'm picking Mr H up from the station next Thursday night for a long weekend.  He hasn't been home since March and everything in the garden looks so different now, I can't wait to share it with him.

Spontaneity and settling down

Well, that was a different weekend to what I had planned!   as you might have gathered from my previous post, at 4.30pm on Friday I got a text that Mr H was on his way home - and he had only decided to come two hours previous to that - a real spur of the moment visit.  

He says he drove the 450 miles to see me, but I know the truth - it was actually to see Django ;-)   Anyways it put all my plans of spending the weekend studying out of the window, but after the emergency washing up on Friday I did manage to get some reading done before he arrived.

We had a lovely homey weekend of dog-walking, veg patch digging, visiting parents and just chilling together.   It certainly got rid of the gloomy mood I'd fallen into - it was going to be 8 weeks between seeing each other and that was just proving too long. 

Four weeks is definitely the optimal gap.  Two weeks is too often because there is no settling down time.  More than 4 or 5 is too long and missing them desperately sets in.   Just the day and a half he was here this time was enough to top up the batteries.

After he'd gone I went to the garden centre to investigate vegetables as it's time to be planting seeds.  So now I have some sown outside, and some indoors. My kitchen table has been moved around to create an indoor greenhouse space.   The four 'sticks' are not vegetables, they are wiggly willow cuttings.

We do have a greenhouse, a very small one 6x4 - but it's full of stuff and in dire need of a sort out. A job for another fine weekend!

This evening I phoned my brother-in-law and his wife (what does that make her, a sister-in-law-in-law?) to tell them that I'm not going to The Family Wedding in two weeks time.  Oh, he says, haven't you heard the date has changed now?   What a shambles, first it's rushed through because of visas expiring and now it's been put off because of some other legal hiccup.  For heaven's sake - well whenever it is, I can't come.

Anyway I ended up having a long chat which was good, I'm looking forward to being able to drive 2 1/2 hours comfortably so I can go and visit them, and my sister too. 

On the Scottish front, I don't think I told you that after Mr H's interview he decided that the new job would be too big a step this soon, and that he didn't feel remotely ready. So he was pretty relieved when he didn't get it, and so was I because I'd been kind of thinking the same thing. Not that ambition to get on isn't good, but it isn't everything.  So all that has settled down and he can throw himself into his current job and get more experience until the right opportunity comes up.  

My boss asked me the other day whether I was thinking of moving to Scotland one day.  He's another Scotland lover but he said he knew exactly what I meant, and felt exactly the same, when I said 'Not at the moment, we both like it down here too much'.   

If anyone asked me, right now, that favourite interview question "Where do you see yourself in five years time?"  I really don't think I could give a definitive answer. 

Waiting

Between us, Mr H and I seem to have spent the last month WAITING.

Waiting for the job advert to come out.
Waiting to catch a flight to Scotland (or home).
Waiting to hear if he got an interview (yes).
Waiting for my friend to be 12 weeks pregnant so it's not a secret any more (yesterday)
Waiting for the interview (end of next week)
Waiting for my latest OU assignment mark (aagghh soon, please!)
Waiting for an appointment to see a specialist (for the insurance).

"Waiting" sugggests inactivity but don't worry, we're doing things while we wait ;-)  

Catching up and taking a breather

I'm taking a break from The Essay to say hello and catch you up with some stuff... not that anything hugely exciting has happened, everything seems to be a bit limbo-ish at the moment. The waiting sort, not the contorting under a horizontal pole sort.

I have recovered from the cold, which decided to go on for nearly a week in the end, so that got me down, especially as I was getting stressed about The Essay at the same time. Thankfully now the cold has cleared, my mind is working better and I'm actually making some progress. Hopefully after another stint tomorrow morning I might be able to give it a break and do some other reading, and come back to it later.

The way the course is structured sometimes seems a bit odd. To take these few weeks as an example:
Wk 1/2 read the two chapters concerned with the next essay, which will be a choice of two questions.
Wk 3 read another chapter not related AT ALL to either question.
Wk 4 you get a 'TMA  week' which is for working on your essay.
Wk 5 a chapter of the Methods book.
Wk 6 another totally unrelated chapter, at the end of which the essay is due, and you've totally forgotten about the two chapters that were relevant to it, because you read them 4 weeks previously. 

Hence, although this essay isn't due until March 16th, I will do it now otherwise it will get mixed up with all the other information I have to fill my head with over the next month.

****

Mr H has submitted his application for the new job, which would effectively be a promotion to the level of his current boss, but in a different district.  Through his mole, he has found out that the first sift will be done on the 22nd, and interviews on the 4th March.   Hmmm, he has a flight booked to fly home on the 3rd March! firstly to see me (of course), secondly to see KT Tunstall live, and thirdly to come with me to my next x-rays. We had already worked out that because of the usual time spans of these things, it was highly likely that interviews would interfere with that visit, but we were hoping anyway.

So now we have two good news/bad news scenarios:  if he doesn't get an interview (bad), he will be coming home that weekend (good); if he does get an interview (good), then he will have to get another flight home a different weekend (bad ££).  So, we are now just waiting to hear if he gets an interview, and obviously, that latter option is the better of the two.  So we are feeling pretty pragmatic about the fact that he might not be home as soon as we thought, there's really no point in being any other way, is there?

Gratuitous Scotland photo

****

Next Thursday we are holding a 'workshop' at work, for all the staff to get together and discuss - well lots of stuff basically. All the 'it' phrases like team building and empowering just don't seem to fit our little team but I guess that's some of what it's about.   We had originally planned it for last year, June 28th, but of course that got canned due to the car crash the night before (I will do anything to get out of having to possibly speak in front of people!),   Anyway, it's been rehashed slightly, I've even done a power point thingy whatsit for one part of it, but decided against irritating flying words, you'll be pleased to hear. It's the first time we've done anything like this so it will be interesting to see how it goes, and whether anyone is talking to anyone else by the end of it.  Oh and we get lunch at the Sailing Club ;-)

So that's about it really.

Oh, and Django says "Hi everyone! xxx"

A precis of events

Dear diary,

Thursday:
Waved goodbye to Django. Lift to the train to the airport. Awful flight up, 70mph winds in Glasgow necessitated aborted landing and diversion to Newcastle. Four hour coach trip back to Glasgow to be picked up by Mr H. at 10pm who had spent four hours window shopping. Nerves shattered. Considered that if it's still blowing dogs off chains on Monday I can catch the train home. Much needed cup of tea followed swiftly by bed.

Friday:
Windy again!  braved the seafront in Ayr for wind, spume and photo opportunities.  Selected cafe for lunch which served over-priced toasties which we ate while watching hoardes of school children file past... and back with Cokes and MacDonalds.  Drooled over books in Waterstones but escaped with only four.

Saturday:
A homebody day. Walked by the in-spate River Doon in misty drizzle, missed having a dog beside us.  Back to the flat for tea, home-baked biscuits, novel-absorbing and job-application-proof-reading. In the evening back into Ayr for a live-music gig at Mr H's local pub.

Sunday:
A day out to the North!   Drove past familiar yet normally distant regatta venues to catch the little red ferry to Dunoon.   A reccy for the potential job including checking out rental cottages and the potential of Dunoon as a place to live.  It got a positive score of supermarket, pharmacy and real shops.  I drove the 'new' van so that Mr H could do the Looking Out of the Window bit. Lunch and awe-inspired gasps next to Loch Eck, more photo opportunities.  Home on the 3.20 ferry and roast beef for dinner.

Monday:
Woke to windy weather, but forecast said calm by late afternoon.  Popped across the courtyard for a cuppa with Mr H's neighbour and half her family who were staying. A jovial gathering which mainly consisted of conversation about speed traps and driving.   After lunch and packing departed for Silverburn shopping centre for more window and real shopping before being dropped at the airport. Goodbye Scotland for another time.

Uneventful flight home on a half-empty plane, to be met by my colleague who imparted all the office gossip on the way home. 

Tuesday:
Picked up Django from his 'grandparents', who had throroughly enjoyed his company.  He is now snoring in his basket in the kitchen.

A Grand Weekend.

What the eye doesn't see... or does it?

I've had a couple of 'palpitation' moments in the car....   the first was yesterday afternoon when I was driving home from the sea in bright sunshine.  The sun was behind me and all the cars coming towards me were really bright in the sunlight. I don't know whether it was because I knew they were driving into the sun and couldn't see so well, or that fact that they were glaring bright, but I felt nervous for the first time in the week I've been driving.

The second time was today when I drove to the railway station at 7.50am, it's in the next town so there is a straightish stretch of road, which is a 50mph limit but most people go faster.  I really didn't want to go over 40mph, and that didn't feel slow to me, but as it was relatively early and the road was quiet, I made myself speed up to 50.  Yikes it felt so fast!!  and then cars were coming towards me, and some of them were white... I really noticed the white ones. 

I didn't get upset or have to stop, but I was conscious of being nervous and my heart rate rising, and feeling very aware of the feeling of speed, and the white cars but not so much of the dark coloured ones.  And it was a relief when I could slow down again without thinking someone behind me was banging their steering wheel and shouting "It's not a bloody 40 limit on this road you stupid old bint!!!"    And yes I have been the person shouting that, in the past.

Picture from here

One of the women in my class today was telling us how she had been badly shunted in her car yesterday, someone drove into the back of her quite hard.  She said she couldn't believe how shocked she felt aftewards, and hadn't driven today but had got her husband to give her a lift, .  And one of my friends said that about 7 years ago her husband was spun several times on the motorway in very wet conditions when a car clipped the corner of his. She said that even 7 years later, there was a noticeable change in his driving and just the way he 'was', when he drove now in similar conditions.

Mr H phoned me just as I'd started writing this so I was telling him about my 'moments'.  He has mentioned to me before that since the crash he's felt as though the roads/carriageways are really narrow, and he has no space.  He also notices far more what other drivers are doing and their position on the road.  It's interesting how he has been affected slightly differently by being the passenger at the time.  I suggested that maybe he has taken away a feeling of being crammed into the verge/trees as I inevitably hugged the side of the road just before the impact. 

I think it's safe to say that our eyes take in far more than our minds consciously remember.

Trusting in ... something?

I worked another morning in the office today, it's nice having fixed days so I know what I'm doing and when.  Up til now it has been a bit 'if and when' regarding leaving the (albeit chilly) cocoon of my sitting room and venturing to the office. 

This morning I firstly spent an hour with the boss going through some software questions and discussing some issues; I really enjoy that sort of thing, it often gives the brain a good mental workout!  Then we had an office meeting to explain the new software to everyone. I think it was a bit information overload for them, my job is now to translate the long-winded technical into everyday language and practical solutions for 'my' 3 staff members who will be using it.  And then trusting them, which anyone who has been a manager will know is not as easy as it sounds!

****

News on the house front. I didn't want to count chickens / tempt fate when I wrote the other day, but Mr H viewed a house yesterday and put down a deposit on it today.  It's the end of a row of three estate cottages and looks like it has character, and will be much more a 'home from home' as it's an older property. 

The rent is almost 20% cheaper a month, plus it has two open fireplaces, and a small garden to keep logs and canoes, and for a Django when he is there of course!   He should be taking possession on 1st Feb, which is 2 days before I next visit, so that will be pretty exciting.  I'm not sure I'll be able to help carry the fridge-freezer just yet though....  (Although judging by some of the probably-not-recommended things I've been doing recently I wouldn't put it past me. I'm not going to tell you about them because you'd probably give me a good scolding.)

What is the significance of the staircase, I hear you wonder?  well just that - it HAS one ie. it is a house not a flat/apartment.  That is definitely a plus point for me. Somehow it doesn't feel the same when you don't go upstairs to bed?

I haven't even got to the original reason for this post's title yet... what I wanted to say was that for the last few days I've been thinking that I mustn't tempt fate or be too optimistic, and what if that house is no good, or someone else gets it first. But actually I think back and everything so far has just fallen into place so I really shouldn't worry.  For instance Mr H getting the job he did; finding somewhere really nice to live initially even when living 450 miles away; even things relating to the crash (ignoring the fact that it happened at all).  For instance if it had been him with the broken leg we'd be in dire financial straits by now.  

I've always thought of myself as a bit of a pessimist, and still I do tend to think of all the things that could go wrong, especially if they involve my loved ones.

But the last few months I have come back much more often to thinking "It'll be ok". 

First day back at school!

That seemed like a long day.

This morning I had my first walk down the High Street for 6 months! I enjoyed looking in the shop windows and seeing some photos of the town in the snow; then went to see my doctor for a chat about various things like medication, driving etc.  Nothing new to report on that front.

I was officially back at work today, so while Mr H finished packing I got on with reading e-mails until he was ready to leave at midday.  It was sad to wave him away, as it always is, but now I find that after about an hour I start to switch back to my 'other' routine. I actually feel more miserable the night before he goes.  Still I have Django here to keep me company; I think the flat in Scotland may be cold and empty without him. 

I have heard that Mr H arrived back ok after a good drive. Despite plans to go back in the Golf, he has taken the Transporter van as he is hoping to move house soon.  He got back to find his shower room in disarray as there had been a burst pipe (an ongoing affair since before Christmas); seems like the landlord isn't the sharpest knife in the box about pipework.  Anyway regarding moving, we're keeping our fingers crossed that he can get something soon that is a) cheaper rent and b) with an open fire or woodburner, as his current flat costs a fortune to heat.

This afternoon I worked on a data list which I have to do every year at the end of December/beginning of January. Because of the seasonal nature of our work, we start every year with a new computer program which needs testing, there are annual changes which need explaining to the staff and going through, and then the renewal forms start piling through the door (or rather into the e-mail).   So going back after Christmas isn't just a case of carrying on with what we were doing before, everything is different. 

Because of this I really don't like the first couple of weeks back at work, before things settle down again. It really feels like going back to school! Anyway, as I had so many interruptions today, I ended up working on the list much later than I should have done but never mind.

I have agreement from the boss and my doctor that I will be going into the office on Mon, Wed and Thurs mornings. That sounds much more manageable so we'll see how it goes, starting tomorrow.

Time for bed for me now, my brain hurts from looking at numbers!