May already...?

Hello, yep I haven't really been here.  But not for bad reasons, life is good. And full!

My head has either been deep in an essay about Climate Change and how international responses to it cause as much harm as they are trying to alleviate (4000 words), or getting the classic car ready for its first hillclimb.  Oh and learning PR and how to write work press releases, and taking time to workout at the fitness studios which are my third home.

And now its May, and all my essays are in so I only (ONLY!) have revision to do for my exam on June 12th.  I haven't even set out a revision plan yet and do seem to have perfected procrastination. 

We did our first hillclimb of the season last weekend, Alex's very first time.  It's so good having something fun and challenging to do together, which is competitive but also mutually supportive when we achieve another 10th of a second off our time!  

I had to have my photo taken with the British Women Racing Drivers' Club sticker and the badge on my suit, in order to claim points towards their championship, so here it is for your amusement.  Mad hair day :)

This evening I did my first sailing club safety boat duty, and tractor driving (to launch/recover the boats) for three years.  I'd forgotten how much of an upper body workout you get with the tractor, it's 1964 and wouldn't know what power steering was if you mentioned it! 

It was a beautiful, if chilly, evening out on the river and it was good to get out and think about something else.

Past and Future

I made this rug for Mr H well before we were married so it's getting on for 25 years old. The two things that defined him for me were his music and his old car(s).  The rug went with him to Scotland, and it is now beside his bed back at home.

When I looked at it today, while he was outside working on the Mole, it occurred to me that we have gone full circle.   Not that I am making rugs for him again, but that we have re-discovered an enthusiasm for old cars (I know that this is in no small part helped by his new job surrounded by classic cars and enthusiasts!).  

Twenty years ago when we lived classic cars, things were different. The roads were a lot quieter, parts were easier to come by whereas now the local motorist shop doesn't know what you're talking about. Additives or new engine parts are needed to run on modern fuels.   

Also, we are older, wiser and more mortal. Driving a small, 44 year old car regularly is going to take a bit of getting used to, especially for me; it will take a while for me to beat the feeling of vulnerability. 

It made me smile today though, and I vacuumed the rug and it still looks good as new,

Totally incompatible... for 23 years

I am not 'into' horoscopes etc. but any time I have looked at one of those books about which signs I should have relationships with, they always say that Geminis and Virgos are totally incompatible and basically can't live under the same roof.

Oops, I didn't read that before I met Mr H.

Thankfully.

I was reminded of the Gemini/Virgo thing yesterday, when I suggested changing the sitting-room around because - well I just like changing things around occasionally.   Mr H said that he doesn't, but just to please me we could try it.  The agreement on my side was that if after a couple of days we agreed that it didn't work, then we could put it back.

So we shifted the CD storage, sofas and coffee tables, and vacuumed all those places that hadn't seen daylight for a couple of years, and although at one point we thought it wouldn't work, in the end it did.  And we managed to fit Mr H's cinema chair into the room as well so that was a bonus.

So I say "Pfft" to incompatibility... yes our views on things differ sometimes but a bit of compromise on both sides can usually smooth out the wrinkles!

Now, I wonder if he'd mind if I moved everything around in the kitchen....?

A new way of thinking

So, Mr H is home and it's brilliant.   The first time he came home, after his year's placement in '08-'09, we had a really awful first week.  I resented him being in 'my' space, and he felt unwelcome; at the end of the week we sat down and talked about it and cleared the air but still it was difficult for both of us.  That had been a year of discovery, of ourselves more than anything else, and we had both rather enjoyed it - it was tough coming back to 'normal'.

This time we felt differently, being apart wasn't novel any more and it had no fixed end to it, which made a lot of difference. We missed each other badly and both felt constantly as though we were waiting for something.  We talked about the difficulties of him moving back, but it's just been a big relief and a happy week for both of us. Even though we have stuff everywhere in the house, it doesn't matter - we have time to sort it out.

It will take a while to get out of the way of thinking that he is just here for the weekend, or week.  For instance the other day I kept thinking "Ooh we must do so-and-so while Mr H is home" and then realised that we didn't have to cram our experiences / things that needed doing into a short space of time.

This evening I looked in the freezer which I had liberally filled with food a couple of weeks before Christmas. I thought "oh no when are we going to eat this stuff before he goes back to Scotland?...."

But, having said there is plenty of time for everything, one of our agreements is that we want to do stuff rather than waste time planning and never doing.  When you live 450 miles apart you realise how hard it is to do simple stuff, spontaneous visits or trips. Everything takes logistics and costs twice as much as it should.  It's really made us appreciate the things we can do with him living here.

This evening (New Year's Eve), Mr H has gone up to a friend's who is playing a live gig, he has gone as the roadie and will stay overnight.  When he mentioned it a month ago it was so nice to be able to say "Yep go for it, I won't come as it's not my kind of thing, I'll stay with Django and see our other friend" (ok, we do have more than 2 friends but you get my drift). The point being firstly that Mr H can go and it's just a couple of hours drive, and secondly that I don't have to spend every waking moment with him because he'll still be here next week, and the one after, and the one after...

Life is sweet!

25 years, and living off the land

Mr H says he is missing reading my insights.. I guess he's right that I don't have so many when I'm not studying and thinking deeply about stuff.   Or maybe at the moment I don't feel as though I have anything interesting to say, other that getting aggravated by people!  My boss has been away at a regatta for two weeks so I've been 'in charge' and have had a couple of diplomatic incidents and some mysteries to unravel. Although the boss has been available on e-mail, I have made a point of dealing with things that would normally get passed straight on to him, so I'm feeling good about that. Now I just need to continue that when he is back!

This weekend is 25 years since my sister picked up a hitch-hiker, and I ended up marrying him. Next weekend when he is home, we will open my morello cherries in bourbon to celebrate - they have been marinading almost 3 months now.

I just went down to see some friends (where our bees live) and we were discussing the people who try and live on £1 for food per day.  We decided that unless you grew 90% of what you ate, it wouldn't be possible; but apparently one of the people who wrote a book about it included gate crashing parties to get free food - I'm not sure that is really in the spirit of the thing!  We were discussing how many of the weeds that grow under their cherry trees would be edible in some way. I'm sure you must be able to make dock leaf soup or thistle pie or something - I will have to try and find a suitable book for them for Christmas.

Talking of weeds, I have a bit of gardening I want to do this afternoon. I'm trying to take it easy because my leg has been quite painful the last 2 or 3 weeks, but it seems like such a waste of a weekend.  So maybe just a bit and then I'll stop for a cup of tea. I promise.

TGIF

I'm feeling emotionally knackered... thank goodness it's Friday night.

I miss Mr H like mad, yet like the peace of solitude.  He loves Scotland yet misses home.  People's immediate suggestion that I move up there really isn't thought through (at all).  But we chose this way, together, and things will work out ok. Just some days it's tougher than others.

In the meantime, here for your delectation are a couple of photos from the Highland Games we went to on Saturday.

Enjoy your weekend!

My B.A.H.

Every couple of months or so a burst of activity from my solicitor reminds me of events that now seem years ago.  Sometimes I read descriptions and accounts as though it happened to somebody else.  And yet while listening to a Tony Hancock comedy radio show yesterday about hospital visiting, I found myself brushing away tears at the thought of my dedicated husband and how bloody amazing he is.

As I write this, he is on the motorway driving 450 miles to spend the weekend at home with me.  This one wasn't planned until last weekend when I phoned him in a panic because I was worried about the bees, at which point it seemed a really good idea for him to come home.  I can't wait for the day he is maybe 'only' 250 miles away - 4 hours - easy weekend visiting distance. He is now actively looking for a job closer to home, please keep everything crossed for him...

My B.A.H.

Of course Django is accompanying him, so I'm looking forward to some walks and some cuddles (for both of them!)

My favourite days

My favourite days of the week are Tuesday and Friday, because those are the days I most often receive a letter in the post from Mr H.

Here are the letters I have received since 29 August 2010....

I feel like an excited kid when I come home at lunchtime and look in our letter box, and there amongst the junk mail and  boring stuff is a little handwritten envelope from him.

I always make my lunch and cup of tea and then sit down and read the letter while I eat. Sometimes it makes me smile, sometimes it makes me cry, but always it makes me feel close to him.

So... *ignoring any relevance to being at work/college or not* what is your favourite day(s) of the week and why?

Me and Him

Did we know when we married that we would become so compatible? 

Would we have become these people anyway or
Have we moulded each other?
How much have we both helped construct our similarity
Over the last 22 years?

Or was it fate?

It's now almost as if we have the same mind, but with different 'speciality subjects'.

Why do I ever doubt that he'll feel the same way as me about something.

Shorts: Rabbit, rabbit

I just spent 2 hours speaking on Skype with Mr H.

I guess we have a lot to talk about at the moment.. 

Is it just me?

I was listening to a radio show this morning and they were talking on the phone to a man who had won some prize.  He'd been married for 31 years so the presenter of course said "Wow that's impressive. What's the secret to a long marriage?"   The man didn't quite know what to say, he was the quiet sort.

The presenter went on "Plenty of patience I expect? haha!"

"Um well yes I suppose so!"

"And plenty of presents for the wife!"

Aaagggh, the old stereotypical 'wife who needs lots of presents to keep her happy' joke.  It conjures up a picture of a chap coming home late from the office to find his frazzled wife who's been looking after the children and cooking dinner, and whipping out a box from Tiffany's to make her feel better. 

According to this site, "Women love being showered with beautiful, expensive gifts and being pampered with expensive jewelry especially - diamonds, gold, silver, platinum jewelry. Jewelry can be as expensive as you want it to be."

Maybe it's my lack of children and the fact that I've always been an equal salary earner that mean I don't really get it.   I'm not saying that it's not nice to get surprise presents but I never expect them, and certainly don't want or expect expensive 'sparkly things' from a jewelers; I'd rather have something that I can use or that cost 50p that he got me just because he knew it would make me laugh.

Mr H and I will have been married for 22 years in April.   No it hasn't been a perfect 22 years, but who can honestly say their marriages haven't had peaks and troughs.  The important thing is that now we are on the upper flanks of the mountain and climbing.

I now know the 'secrets' to happy marriage (ours at least) to be:

1.  Communication
2.  Individuality
3.  Similar basic values
4.  Retaining some independence
5.  Sharing

And some other obvious things like thoughtfulness and caring quite a lot about each other.

I'd rather have those than a diamond necklace any day.

But hey-ho, each to their own I guess.
    

June 1988

My elder sister and her man,
Having got in just before us in February,
Were engaged;
The wedding was arranged:
July 1989.

By summer they had
Had 'their time',
The announcement had been in the paper
(Local, not National);
The congratulations had been
Offered and accepted.

My man and I
Felt that my father could now
Take the news of another one,
Without risk to his health.

We were helping him,
Packing up his dinghy.
My man said,
"There's something we want to tell you..
Juniper and I want to get married."

There was a pause.
"Oh. My goodness."
They had The Talk.

I expect they thought we were young -
I was 22, my man 21;
But actually they were only a couple of years older
In 1958.

My mother said she needed
Three months between weddings, so
We could have April or October.

I doubt they expected to get rid of
Both daughters the same year;
Thank goodness no-one thought a
Joint wedding would be a good idea.

The wedding was arranged:
April 1989.

February 1988

We were loading,
Or was it unloading,
Stuff from the back of the car
When

I said "Yes"

It had taken me five months;
I needed to be sure.
The fact that he waited patiently
Made me all the more certain.

But...

Before we had the right moment
To mention it to my parents
My elder sister and her boyfriend arrived.

Her boyfriend went up to our parents' room
At midnight,
To ask for her hand in marriage.

We couldn't believe it,
There was no way we could say anything,

Not now.

October 1987

Marlborough, Swindon
Lechlade, Burford;
Past the garden centre and Filkins
The army ranges, the antique shops.
The Savernake Oak which was
'Our tree'.

Every month we'd visit
Taking it in turns.
Arriving on a Friday night after work.
Leaving, sad-faced, on Sunday.

This time it was his turn,
We sat on bean bags,
(As was 80s fashion)
In our low-beamed dining room
Watching TV.
Which programme?
I have no idea.

I expect he remembers;
He has a mind for
Detail.

Somebody in the programme
Brought a meal in for their loved one.
I think it was pizza and salad.

He said to me
"If we got married
I could do that."

April 1987

Letters had been written
Back and forth; back and forth.
Visits had been made
And parents met.

We lived 100 miles apart
Which meant we wrote and wrote
And got to know each other
Inside out.

My parents loved him from the start
From the first time he turned up on the doorstep
Half an hour before I was due home.

I invited him to 'our place in the Lakes',
For a week's holiday with my parents.

We went for a stroll one evening.
Down to the weir on the river;
I expect we held hands.

That was the first time he told me
He loved me.

August 1986

There he stood by the road.
I was young, I didn't pick up strange hitch-hikers,
But my sister did.
She was old at 25 and in the army so she could look after herself.

We met outside the festival entrance;
"It's you!" I thought, feeling a bit selfish,
Since I had driven past him.

He was alone.
It seemed natural for him to camp next to us
And hang out; and it was all good.

On the last day we couldn't leave him there;
So I took him home.
He gave me a pot of honey to say thank you.

I can't remember now whether he gave me his address, or I gave him mine.