Monday, 10 January 2011

Is it just me?

I was listening to a radio show this morning and they were talking on the phone to a man who had won some prize.  He'd been married for 31 years so the presenter of course said "Wow that's impressive. What's the secret to a long marriage?"   The man didn't quite know what to say, he was the quiet sort.

The presenter went on "Plenty of patience I expect? haha!"

"Um well yes I suppose so!"

"And plenty of presents for the wife!"

Aaagggh, the old stereotypical 'wife who needs lots of presents to keep her happy' joke.  It conjures up a picture of a chap coming home late from the office to find his frazzled wife who's been looking after the children and cooking dinner, and whipping out a box from Tiffany's to make her feel better. 

According to this site"Women love being showered with beautiful, expensive gifts and being pampered with expensive jewelry especially - diamonds, gold, silver, platinum jewelry. Jewelry can be as expensive as you want it to be."

Maybe it's my lack of children and the fact that I've always been an equal salary earner that mean I don't really get it.   I'm not saying that it's not nice to get surprise presents but I never expect them, and certainly don't want or expect expensive 'sparkly things' from a jewelers; I'd rather have something that I can use or that cost 50p that he got me just because he knew it would make me laugh.

Mr H and I will have been married for 22 years in April.   No it hasn't been a perfect 22 years, but who can honestly say their marriages haven't had peaks and troughs.  The important thing is that now we are on the upper flanks of the mountain and climbing.

I now know the 'secrets' to happy marriage (ours at least) to be:

1.  Communication
2.  Individuality
3.  Similar basic values
4.  Retaining some independence
5.  Sharing

And some other obvious things like thoughtfulness and caring quite a lot about each other.

I'd rather have those than a diamond necklace any day.

But hey-ho, each to their own I guess.


  1. No, it’s a ghastly image that’s perhaps only useful to those without imagination. Sad, though, that it is almost expected, as if you could keep someone sweet with something pretty. Still, I earn more than my husband and I’m actually a couple of years older, so I’m probably just a weirdo!
    How fantastic that you are on the ‘upper flanks of the mountain and climbing’. I hope you have masses laughs on the way up.

  2. I agree with you 100% and yes we are nearing the 26 year mark, and it's been up and down and very bumpy but all in a good sort of the way... hey it works for us!

  3. I am with you on this one!!! I have only been married for 8 months and hope for more loving, caring and sharing in our future than diamonds! I remember my husband, before he was such, saying to a (materialistic) girl that even if he proposed with a twist tie, I'd still say yes because I love him. She totally disagreed and emphasized that he better go get a big diamond. Really? I don't think that's the secret!

  4. Lol that's caused a discussion over coffee this morning. I think that men are either the sort of men that think about jewels or they aren't and I'm not sure it's relevant to the sort of marriage you've got. We're at 36 years now and jewels just don't cross his mind unless specifically requested or standing together outside a shop window with me pointing. Preferably while we are on holiday in somewhere where gold is known to be a bargain!

  5. Frankly, I'da been insulted by the presenter's ignorance. Not a very creative soul, that one.

    Don't get me wrong--I'd appreciate the jewelry... just like I appreciate the bottle of bubbles and the box of sidewalk chalk.
    I'm a functional gift recipient. Pretties are nice. Play is fun.

    Frankly, it's the spontaneousness of thoughtfulness that's the kicker for me, no matter the material 'thing' he hands me.

    And the secret for us--'love how I wanna--as I've always wanted to love'. I remember my 'job' in the deal and assess my OWN performance.
    Simple, huh?

  6. The day a relationship is about "things" is the day it's over.

    I've been married (yes married) for 25 years this year.

  7. I lucky that I have a husband who realises that me looking after a toddler is also a full time job so he's not one to come home from work and wonder why I'm looking frazzled and saying as some men do why are you so tired you've been at home all day. The best thing my hubby gives me is taking the little blob out for a few hours.


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