News and emotional confusion

Aarggh I don't know what kind of mood I am in at the moment - the opposite to how everyone would imagine I would be feeling just now...

I have some news to catch you up on, and that is that Mr H. has a new job and will be moving home at Christmas!   What a relief to have an end to the 'indefinite period' in Scotland... not that either of us regret it in any way at all, we have both learned a lot from the experience, but we'd both got to the point where we just wanted to be together (and be able to DO things at a moment's notice.  That is darn tricky when you are 450 miles apart, everything becomes a logistical nightmare).

He is moving out of forestry, by necessity rather than choice. ie. in the end, the need for him to come home out-weighed staying in forestry.  But the new job he has is pretty cool - trimming classic Jaguar cars (ie. upholstery and making carpets, hoods etc.).  And better still it is about 2 miles from our house, better than we could have imagined. Sooo he comes home before Christmas and New Year and doesn't go away again!

Meanwhile I fly to Phuket, Thailand (sorry Carol) on Thursday morning to work at a big regatta there.  I'm not a particularly good long-haul traveller in that I get dreadful pre-travel nerves, although I am usually fine as soon as I am in the taxi - it's the few days beforehand that make me a wreck. But hey, a week of sun, sea and sand is something to look forward to, even if I do have to still work as well.

Two things to be excited about, so why do I feel that I've had an emotional relapse and am suddenly depressed...?

Change time

Today our clocks went back to GMT here in the UK.. I managed to enjoy an extra hour in bed and still not get up late, having woken up at about 7.20am after a dream about being on a sinking Volvo 70 after somebody wound the keel too far (yeah I'm meaning a boat not a car).. I was just asking politely where the lifejackets were when I woke up.

Stepping back a couple of weeks, I saw my doctor for various things that needed updating, and ended up with a  'mild depression' diagnosis having burst into tears on seeing her, and us having a long chat.  Nothing I hadn't worked out myself really, I've just run out of adrenalin/seratonin/Mojo.   Not bad enough for meds (the first thing I said was that I don't want any more) and the prescription was plenty of fresh air and exercise, allowing myself treats, and not becoming a hermit.. ie. socialising.  I have never been big on socialising because.. well I can't be bothered with thinking of things to talk about. I told her about being a child and never wanting to go to any parties. And then not wanting to go home again (after my parents had made me go).

"Ok" my doctor said, "You need to talk to yourself like a 4 year old.... tell yourself you'll enjoy it when you get there. And it WILL make you feel better. Oh, and no alcohol."

I have been feeling better, with the odd relapse.   This morning I decided that I was NOT going to see what my hair looks like in it's natural colour, because that would mean I had given up and didn't care what I looked like.  My hair to me is like other people treat make up or clothes - it defines me.

So, it is currently cooking back to Red Passion.. in fact it was due to wash out 10 minutes ago so I'd better go!