tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-45695385056536949422024-02-22T08:12:51.525+00:00Dreams and RealityJuniperhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10930937754917509956noreply@blogger.comBlogger567125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4569538505653694942.post-18085396228226077532020-01-26T21:25:00.002+00:002020-01-26T21:25:22.597+00:00The pain of empathyTonight I had a reminder of why I stopped looking at facebook. As I mentioned in my previous post my only weakness - I say 'weakness', it's only been twice in the last fortnight! - is to look at Lazlo's breeder's page to see her dogs. So I had a look tonight and one of her posts included comments about one of her dogs having lost her on the beach for 30 minutes, which any dog owner will tell you feels like 30 hours. Now my empathy response has kicked in and I recognise the feeling as one I have not been having for the last two weeks. <br />
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For me, empathy with negative experiences usually manifests itself as anxiety, faster heart rate, even a feeling of panic as my brain imagines or remembers being in a similar situation. <br />
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My empathy can relate to anything - I get it when one of my friends has to have their dog put down; if a friend loses a parent; if I imagine how Mr H must have been feeling at our RTA, or if I see an ambulance - that relates both to our RTA and to watching my father taken away in one (he survived); I get it when someone has a disappointing experience, one that I could easily have had. It has differing levels of symptoms depending on the context but it nearly always feels unpleasant. (You probably noticed that I mentioned the loss of a dog before the loss of a parent, because it happens more often; and I've experienced the former three times, and the latter only once).<br />
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I now realise how many things on social media are liable to trigger this empathetic anxiety, and it has made me even more determined to do my mental state a favour and stay off it.<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiWlj2c7_3NY7Dn68mYmxQOdKaAKDRggaZjGbqBU0_efQZhUH_2vOResdp-RGa-fA_4oR-coGRrPKMajwTVnpk9ZuiuQEs1K_09udPQo5w4RhlA_1IxakuMzwrkzobjgScqfYLN_dda-Sk/s1600/2014-07-04+20.04.11.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1200" data-original-width="1600" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiWlj2c7_3NY7Dn68mYmxQOdKaAKDRggaZjGbqBU0_efQZhUH_2vOResdp-RGa-fA_4oR-coGRrPKMajwTVnpk9ZuiuQEs1K_09udPQo5w4RhlA_1IxakuMzwrkzobjgScqfYLN_dda-Sk/s320/2014-07-04+20.04.11.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
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Lazlo and his brothers and sisters.</div>
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<br />Juniperhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10930937754917509956noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4569538505653694942.post-69829577032159085172020-01-23T21:28:00.001+00:002020-01-24T07:36:40.206+00:00Switch off and tune inTwo weeks ago I was so wound up by a post that a friend shared on facebook (one of those incessant do-gooder preachy articles) that I deleted the facebook app off my smartphone. It felt good, but I knew that a) I've done that before and put it back on the next day and b) I still had the facebook account and could access it from my iPad or laptop and c) I didn't want to delete my account because I run a page for our motorsport and also one for my work. <br />
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However, the effect that simply removing the app from my smartphone had has been eye-opening. Over the last two weeks the only time I've been on to my personal facebook profile has been to 'unfriend' a lot of acquaintances (so many that the word 'friend' started looking as though it was mis-spelled), change some privacy settings and delete a lot of my 'about' information. I did consciously look at our Pointer's breeder's page once simply because I love her dogs, but there was no scrolling, no newsfeed, I just had a quick look and then closed it. I found that I can still use the Pages app to maintain our <a href="http://www.facebook.com/imphillclimb" target="_blank">motorsport page</a> without temptation to stray to other bits of facebook while updating it. <br />
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So what are those eye-opening effects have I noticed from my abstention from browsing other people's lives and opinions?<br />
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<li>I feel generally more relaxed</li>
<li>That underlying tension that simmered along in my life has gone</li>
<li>I have more time for reading that pile of books that I have collected </li>
<li>I feel more present in the moment rather than wondering if there's anything worth checking out online</li>
<li>I am more focussed with tasks generally, either at home or at work</li>
<li>I am more tuned-in and engaged when having conversations</li>
<li>I 'have time' for 10 minutes meditation (with <a href="http://www.headspace.com/" target="_blank">Headspace</a>) before work; and if I feel that I don't, then I <u>make </u>time</li>
<li>And hey, I have time to write a blog post! Maybe I'll do more, who knows. Or maybe not.</li>
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Surprisingly (or maybe not, given these benefits I've noticed) I feel no compunction to login to see what I'm missing. <br />
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Now I'm going to put my laptop down and get started on the next book. Here is a photo of my dog Lazlo, just because he is awesome and I love him.<br />
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<br />Juniperhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10930937754917509956noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4569538505653694942.post-39100339779872182732019-07-25T20:35:00.002+01:002019-07-25T20:43:13.378+01:00Fear and a revelationMy brain has been twitching to write a new post since June. It was 9 years in June since <a href="https://dreamsandreality-jj.blogspot.com/2010/07/27th-june-2010.html">our car crash</a> and I had started thinking 'if only... would things have been different? Could I have avoided the crash?' For instance, one of the recurring thoughts has been 'if my headlights had been on, would she have seen me in time to get back to her side of the road?'. Why, when it was not my fault apart from being on the road at the wrong time, do I ask myself this?<br />
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Perhaps it is because I am now more aware of the question of blame in any incident, and what a thin line it can be, and I try hard to ensure I will not be seen to be at fault if anything happens. It is probably this thought that makes me put my lights on much earlier than I used to these days (our cars aren't new enough to have automatic headlights). I don't want anyone saying "I didn't see you". One of the effects of the crash is that I now find myself nervous of even the smallest potential incidents on the road, especially when I am not driving. Sometimes if I am feeling hyper-vigilant I just shut my eyes or try and sleep, or study things on my phone. What I don't see can't bother me.<br />
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I know that since June 2010 I am more aware of, and afraid of, the possibility of pain. You know how sometimes someone tells you about an injury they had, and they describe it and it makes you cringe with horror but they don't seem that bothered? I found this if I showed my x-rays to people (to be fair they did look pretty awful, but to me they were just fact). The power of the imagination is such that the thought of something is often worse than when it actually happens. When it happens to you it is usually so quick there is no time to imagine it or be afraid of it. It's done and you deal with it. But now I am afraid of what might happen and how much it would hurt.<br />
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The reason for wanting to write this was that I realised that although I am scared of accidents and pain and having another crash or being knocked off my bicycle, <b>I do not wish our crash had never happened. </b>This realisation was quite a revelation to me.<br />
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Of course, I wish that the other driver had not died. I wish that she had not left a partner, and a young boy without a mother. I wish that she had come out of it pretty much OK physically and mentally, like I and Mr H have. <br />
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The truth is, my life has been a whole lot better since June 2010. My relationships are healthier, I know that 'life is too short to...' , and I have a new hobby in motorsport that I love and that Mr H and I enjoy together, and a fantastic motorsport 'family' that comes free with it. I am better at knowing what is important and what is not so important. Much of this is a direct result of the crash and the aftermath, and the jolt that it gave our lives.<br />
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Not being able to run and jump any more seems a small price to pay.<br />
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<span style="font-size: x-small;">Competing in our Hillman Imp at Doune hill climb in Scotland</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: x-small;">photo: <a href="http://eddiekelly.co.uk/">eddiekelly.co.uk</a></span></div>
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<br />Juniperhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10930937754917509956noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4569538505653694942.post-47942125212902877422016-10-17T10:31:00.003+01:002016-10-17T10:32:20.340+01:00D & RSometimes the posts I wrote on this blog after the crash seem like a dream. Through those days, weeks and months my blog was a great source of strength for me, it helped me clear my mind. I was a place for me to think out loud, to fill my days with projects such as photographs and art, to share the big effect on my life with new friends.<br />
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Now that all seems an age ago, although it was only 6 years. No I am not fully recovered and never will be - the damage done to the muscles and soft tissues in my right leg are not going away. I will never go jogging again. But my life is good, it is full, it is busy, and I revel in my new hobby of motorsport and only occasionally miss the sailing. I have made many new friends through the fitness studio I joined to rehabilitate my leg. I don't need to write this blog any more, yet it is a diary for me to look back at on occasion - a reminder of all the stuff (good and bad) that went through my mind during that time. </div>
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A reminder that the reality of my life today is based on those times that now seem like a dream.</div>
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Juniperhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10930937754917509956noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4569538505653694942.post-14477368754788446402016-05-31T21:37:00.001+01:002016-05-31T21:37:40.794+01:00Reflecting on my 40s..<div>On the last evening of my 40s I've been reflecting and I reckon it has probably been my most eventful decade so far...</div><div><br></div><div>- Spent 6 years studying for an Open University degree and graduated with First Class Honours.</div><div>- Lived on my own twice, for 12 months and 15 months, when Alex was working in Scotland.</div><div>- Said goodbye to two Pointers :( and Hello to another :)</div><div>- Had a big van crash and was black'n'blue all over with a split-open-sausage knee and a smashed up femur.</div><div>- Rediscovered how amazing my husband is.</div><div>- Gave up sailing (for now).</div><div>- Took up speed hill climbing & sprinting.</div><div>- Rediscovered classic cars.</div><div>- Started dog showing again after a 12 year gap.</div><div>- Accepted an unconditional offer to do a 2 yr MSc with Portsmouth Uni.</div><div>- Celebrated 25 years and 30 years working at RORC.</div><div><br></div><div>I wonder what the next decade will bring...?</div><div><br></div><br><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgejENsHmFXnDvZbDX4RYyevaXqg9xH7OFS3ZjSQmeDp7LdGJvJ3VIZ2A3NUf0VYPjbXl-a8CACYDLkib-E2mhB1G1XLU5OMM6CnTl3MIXIO1o5EM9TiSnW9Ejncla8greXsF_I6XG2NoI/s640/blogger-image-505885336.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgejENsHmFXnDvZbDX4RYyevaXqg9xH7OFS3ZjSQmeDp7LdGJvJ3VIZ2A3NUf0VYPjbXl-a8CACYDLkib-E2mhB1G1XLU5OMM6CnTl3MIXIO1o5EM9TiSnW9Ejncla8greXsF_I6XG2NoI/s640/blogger-image-505885336.jpg"></a></div>Juniperhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10930937754917509956noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4569538505653694942.post-36441795748532410772015-02-16T22:16:00.001+00:002015-02-16T22:16:35.610+00:00Loose screws...I had the top two screws removed from my hip 5 weeks ago. Totally my choice as I've been getting depressed about it still hurting. No they weren't loose but they were a couple of centimetres too long..<div><br></div><div>So I feel as though I've taken a few steps back but long term I'm hoping it will help. I've already noticed that when I hug my knees to my chest there is no longer resistance in my hip where there was before, and I can touch my toes first thing in the morning! </div><div><br></div><div>That's got to make it worth it, right??</div>Juniperhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10930937754917509956noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4569538505653694942.post-71111989566373343892014-07-22T15:40:00.000+01:002014-07-22T15:40:10.753+01:00Spot's Spot: IntroductionHello everyone<br />
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I will pay homage to my predecessor Django who by all accounts was a really lovely chap and a cool dude to boot, I'm sad that I never met him :( for the first week I was here, my humans kept calling me Django instead of Lazlo so I know that they miss him, they seem to be settling in now though. I hope he won't mind me taking over his spot here, especially as I do have plenty of tummy spots.<br />
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Sooooo I got taken away from my brothers and sisters and driven for MILES to this new place, which was a bit scary but I did manage to sleep on the way. The humans seem nice and gave me lots of cuddles, and it's quite nice getting all the attention with no-one to compete with. <br />
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I'm told that the garden is not the whole world and that there is more of it out there! Holy Moly! I'm not sure how I'll cope with that, my little legs get tired just running up and down here!<br />
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I have to say I've been feeling the heat this week, but I learned something cool - if I stick my tongue out and breathe it cools me down! I've also learned that barking is fun, but it doesn't seem to have the effect that I want, the toys don't move and the humans just laugh at me - they should be SCARED!<br />
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My vet is really nice and apparently I might get an invitation to a party soon - what should I wear?Juniperhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10930937754917509956noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4569538505653694942.post-85565558749946283332014-07-10T07:41:00.004+01:002014-07-10T11:14:24.618+01:00Reasons to get upIn December <a href="http://dreamsandreality-jj.blogspot.co.uk/2013/12/the-ties-that-bind.html">I wrote</a> that the loss of <a href="http://dreamsandreality-jj.blogspot.co.uk/search/label/Spot%27s%20Spot">Django </a>had left a huge hole and a feeling of having nothing to care for, and how it felt as though there was no reason to get up in the morning.<br />
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Now we have a new reason to get up in the morning, in the form of Lazlo.... <br />
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<em>Lazlo, aka </em><a href="http://www.hawkfieldpointers.com/"><em>Hawkfield</em></a><em> Tamarack</em></div>
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With the hillclimbing we are doing with the car, we didn't intend to have another puppy until later in the year, but when the right one comes along there's nothing you can do! Lazlo comes from a laid back home and shared his first 8 weeks with 7 brothers and sisters, poultry and ducks and rabbits. It was after a visit to see Wendy at Hawkfield with a view to getting a pup later in the year from the same lines, that we met her pups and decided that we wanted one from her - we liked the way they were being brought up, and our approaches to dogs and puppies seemed to match! We reckoned that these pups have had a brilliant start to life and would fit in with us just perfectly, and thankfully Wendy must have decided that we were suitable to be trusted with one of her pups.</div>
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Lazlo was born on 8th May so turns 9 weeks old today. We picked him up last Friday night and he has settled in brilliantly, seemingly already house-trained (no need to keep getting the free Telegraph from Waitrose then!) and interested in EVERYTHING. He loves the garden which has plenty of obscure places to explore and birds to stalk, and likes to sit on the edge of the veranda and watch what's going on in his estate.</div>
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Going back to my December post, I feel incredibly protective towards this little man, and Mr H says his life is now complete again. Lazlo is not just a puppy, he is a member of our family that depends upon us completely, and that is definitely a good reason to get up in the morning.</div>
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Juniperhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10930937754917509956noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4569538505653694942.post-19715345406019013212014-05-14T13:59:00.001+01:002014-05-14T13:59:55.701+01:00Still here!Where have I been? It's not that I have nothing to say or to talk about, perhaps the issue is that I have too much to talk about and don't want to have to choose?<div><br></div><div>I am 1/3 of the way through my penultimate OU module which is Social Psychology and fascinating. Off goes my mind in all sorts of directions again! I'm a bit nervous about the project and having to interview people, but I'm sure I'm worrying about nothing. I'm focussing on embodiment and talking to people who have had joint replacements to hear their experiences. </div><div><br></div><div>Mr H and I are keeping busy with hill climbing the Hillman Imp and still loving it. We really feel part of the hillclimb 'family' now, in the south west at least. Big news though this month is that Mr H has gone back to the Forestry Commission as a works supervisor. I hadn't realised how concerned I was about him moving away again, until he got this job on our doorstep. A big relief for me, I can't speak for him though ;)</div><div><br></div><div>We don't have a new puppy yet... It would be too hard on the puppy and us to have one mid-hillclimb season. We have some contacts though and hope to be cuddling a Pointer by October. It should be old enough to come to hillclimbs by April 2015!</div><div><br></div>Juniperhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10930937754917509956noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4569538505653694942.post-25966890359030426452013-12-14T08:58:00.001+00:002013-12-14T08:58:13.567+00:00The ties that bindI've felt like this before, when Django went to stay in Scotland with Mr H for a month or more - what is the point of life with nothing to care for? Is it a human or a female need to care for a vulnerable person or animal? Something that relies on you totally?<div><br></div><div>It may annoy us sometimes, the ties and the inability to be 'free', but it gives us a good reason to get up in the morning.</div>Juniperhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10930937754917509956noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4569538505653694942.post-72603913443196192902013-12-12T13:46:00.000+00:002013-12-12T17:01:45.885+00:00Farewell to Spot..11/12/13 might have been a lucky date for some, but for us yesterday evening marked both the end of a long friendship, and the end of an era. After a very difficult year for Django, and for me and Mr H, just one month off his 14th birthday we let our puppy go before he began suffering any more. No matter how right the decision, it is the hardest thing any pet owner has to do, and nothing prepares you for the hole it leaves in your heart.<br />
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Over those 14 years, but particularly since he became the lone dog in our house early in 2008, Django shared experiences with us from camping holidays in Scotland to patiently hanging around while we indulged our new motorsport hobby. He spent many weeks accompanying Mr H on his Forestry Commission work in Scotland in all weathers, and made human friends wherever he went.<br />
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As a youngster from 6 months old until he was about two, Django (aka Pebblegate Blackjack at Lightspeed) tolerated the dog-showing world with many class wins and a placing at Crufts Dog Show. However, he retired from the show ring when he remained smaller than the breed standard height (and we were getting tired of the politics anyway), so spent the rest of his life blissfully un-washed and un-fussed over, while retaining his fear of slippery wooden school hall floors! His early showing years did mean that he was comfortable with having his mouth / ears / feet investigated and examined, and he was totally trusting of people. On one occasion he let us extract a large piece of wood that had embedded itself in his pad, without a murmur. <br />
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Django's favourite place was on our laps at the end of the day, where he would relax like a ragdoll and drop into such a deep sleep that it was hard to wake him to put him to bed! His clock was set for 9pm when he would come and give us That Look, before either being invited up or just working his way up one paw at a time. His other main interests were pheasants, cats, food and sitting down. Much fonder of people than other dogs, Django could take it or leave it when he met dogs on walks, and could not understand it if they tried imposing their dominance. Django had nothing to prove, he was just cool. <br />
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We will truly miss the company of this very special dog. And the end of an era? Mr H has never known a house without dogs, and I only had a 5 year gap as a teenager, before getting my own puppy almost 30 years ago. Life is going to be very different.... <br />
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<em>Django on Forestry Commission duty in Scotland</em></div>
Juniperhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10930937754917509956noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4569538505653694942.post-41476708992155414412013-12-05T12:54:00.000+00:002013-12-05T13:01:14.597+00:00Me and Beyonce - making friendsI had a good couple of hours this morning - despite it raining I booked to go on a mini-Elephant ride (a short ride, not on a mini-elephant), as I never do that sort of thing and I needed to get out of the hotel. It's so different being somewhere alone rather than in a couple or group, especially in an unfamiliar country and culture, and I am much less likely to hire a car or do touristy things all on my own, it's far too scary!<br />
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I was picked up outside the hotel at 1130 along with a young Australian couple and a group of three Japanese, and was driven away to I know not where, since my Phuket geography is not very good other than Patong is north, Nai Harn is south, and that sort of thing. I had been told that there were elephants down near Nai Harn so I'm guessing that is where we went.<br />
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I had been in two minds whether to go on this trip, wondering whether it was exploitation and how the elephants should be in the wild, but when we arrived the people seemed very nice and the elephants well looked after. And at least they are safe and not risking being killed for their tusks. <br />
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The first part of the trip was to feed the two very cute baby elephants (whose names I’ve forgotten) with little bananas which they would either take with trunks or ask for it straight into their mouths. Each of us then went in with them and got big suction kisses on our cheeks and ears which was very funny, they were so gentle and the ends of their trunks were surprisingly dry and not slobbery at all. With the (verbal) encouragement of their trainers/carers the youngsters then entertained us with a drum and a harmonica and played some Lady Gaga (apparently). <br />
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After much amusement doing this, we set off for our 30 minute ride on a wooden seat on the back of the elephant, complete with a safety lap belt, and umbrellas as it was still raining. Phuket is very green and tropical and getting wet really doesn’t matter much when the rain is so warm. My elephant was a 25 year old named Beyonce, apparently because she had a generously sized bottom! My ‘driver’ was quite chatty and half-way round he invited me to ride sitting behind Beyonce’s ears while he got down and walked and took photos with my camera. Of course I knew that the ‘don’t tell anyone that I let you do this’ was just a ruse to get an extra tip, as I’m sure it was standard policy despite the big sign saying that it was against the rules! But I didn’t mind because it was fun and this is Thailand.<br />
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I have to say that I didn’t feel very secure sitting there, especially with Beyonce lumbering on along the twisting path and over uneven ground following the instruction of the walking ‘driver’, but I know I would have regretted it if I hadn’t taken the opportunity. Beyoncé had very tough skin and hard black hairs on her head, but even wearing shorts it didn't irritate the skin at all sitting astride her. However, I was quite relieved when could sit back in the seat again! And then we were back and it was time to climb off and feed Beyonce some bananas before the drive back to the hotel for a shower, especially to wash the elephant kisses off my neck...Juniperhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10930937754917509956noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4569538505653694942.post-87429842676970043372013-12-02T05:56:00.002+00:002013-12-02T05:57:23.435+00:00Letter from Phuket 2There was a little cock-roach-y thing in my bathroom this morning. And if I leave an open bag of sugar on the tea tray (because I don't use a whole one) then a group of little bugs take up residence - always check before using it again! But to be honest this being the 6th time I've been here I'm used to it and it doesn't phase me any more. Just so long as the friends of the now deceased cockroach thing don't come into my bed. There have been more mozzies about than usual, probably because it's been quite thundery with heavy showers, and is forecast to be the same for the rest of the week I think. <br />
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I got a bit of a lie-in this morning, having gone back to sleep and woken up at what I thought was 8.30am - what!? - but turned out to be 7.30 as my watch had clicked forward to HKG time. I had my customary breakfast of fruit salad and yoghurt, fried egg or omelette, and toast. I'm afraid I cannot stomach pate or spicy potatoes for breakfast. Lunch is usually either a rice or noodles dish with varying levels of spicy-ness and you have to watch out for the red and green bits.... <br />
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So, it's Monday and I'm enjoying some time off although I do need to get on with some of my normal work. The wifi connection here is pretty dire though so there is much swearing, clenching of fists and hair-tearing going on. They are also doing some electricity works outside the hotel apparently so we keep having powercuts too. Those words 'your connection has been lost, trying to re-connect, attempt 3 of 20' are enough to turn the air blue especially when there is an owner waiting by the table for information. <br />
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Everything got pretty much sorted by the briefing at 4.30pm yesterday. Last year we extended the measurement to 3 days from 2, and it has made a huge difference; a lot of boats were done and dusted on Friday which meant that blood-pressure on Saturday and Sunday was a bit lower for everyone. <br />
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The opening party was last night, I was late to it because I had a sporadic Skype conversation with Mr H, which involved me having to sit on the floor just inside my bedroom door to pick up good enough connection, which then kept dropping. Still we managed a bit of a conversation and then agreed that email letters were going to be a lot less stressful. Anyway, I did get to the party in time to get some pasta and rice and red wine, and chat to a few people before heading off to bed (refusing an invitation to go out to a local bar since I'd already had my quota for the night!).<br />
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The political demonstrations up in Bangkok has meant that I am not really looking forward to my trip home on Sunday, since I change at Bangkok airport (although I am feeling quite homesick for my dusty little house, elderly dog and lovely husband). There is nothing I can do about it, but I am one of those people who imagines the worst in such scenarios - and I know where I get that from! Yesterday the race director here said that when he'd driven from home to Kata the road was blocked by police, and another road was blocked by a truck on its side, so it had taken 1.5 hours instead of 20 minutes. (He is the opposite to me and just takes everything in his stride from stroppy yachties to Thai political tensions, "Oh yes, they're off again, just the same as normal"). Anyway, Oh my god I thought, what is this, rioting on the Phuket streets? But no, the road was closed because of a triathlon that was on, and the truck was just someone not able to drive properly! <br />
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So, I shall try not to worry about it or let it spoil my week. Right, time for lunch then on with some work.Juniperhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10930937754917509956noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4569538505653694942.post-31138065267434706642013-11-29T01:40:00.000+00:002013-11-29T01:40:04.985+00:00Letter from Phuket 1I am writing this at 5am, I am sitting in bed awake, wishing it wasn’t dark outside so I could go for a swim. I’m back in Phuket (Thailand) for the 6th time for the King’s Cup yachting regatta. It feels very familiar although a few vital things have changed, such as the colour of the pool towels and sunbeds…<br />
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I still get the little butterflies of ‘will it all go ok? Will I cope?’ when I think about the manic two days of regatta registration coming up. Silly though because it always goes OK and on Sunday night it all comes together, and I finally close my laptop satisfied that everyone has a legal certificate and they can go racing on Monday morning.<br />
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Heathrow terminal 3 never seems to change. I shopped in Boots and had tea in Costa, and got invited by a man to have my photo taken next to a cardboard cutout of the Queen as I was idly inspecting the Royal Wedding gift shelves. I said ‘no thank you, I’m English’ which made it sound as though I could have my photo taken with the Queen any day of the week.<br />
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My flight out was uneventful and I had two seats to myself, in fact the plane was very empty. Clearly Wednesday is not a popular travelling day! I spent most of the 11.5 hr flight to Bangkok not sleeping. I read an entire Dick Francis novel which I then left on the plane to be recycled, and watched a couple of episodes of an American drama called ‘Nashville’, about a country singer and her family, and of course an up-and-coming rival singer. There was then a couple of hours at Bangkok before a 90 minute flight down to Phuket and an hour’s taxi ride to the hotel.<br />
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Having arrived at Kata Beach at around midday yesterday (Thursday), I just wanted to sleep and did manage a couple of hours dozing, but was totally out of sync and it feels wrong being in bed in the middle of the day. A quick walk on the beach confirmed yet again that this is definitely not my ideal holiday destination and that Mr H would absolutely hate it. Couples and families either lying on the crowded beach, splashing about in the sea, walking around in skimpy swimwear with their bellies hanging out (male and female) or zooming around on SeaDoos. The majority of tourists here now seem to be Russian, with some Brits and other Europeans thrown in.<br />
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So, it’s warm and most of the time it’s sunny. But for holidays give me the Scottish wild lands any day.
I dined alone last night, having gone for a stroll into the village (ie. stepped outside the hotel front gates) on impulse I stopped in at an outdoor restaurant and ate Pad Thai (noodles) with prawns and a bottle of Heineken, followed by banana split. It didn’t feel at all odd being in the restaurant on my own and I could watch the world walking by on their way home from the beach, or locals driving past in their pickups and tuktuks but mainly on scooters. A baby elephant went by in the back of a truck, some animal screamed in an alley across the road, and the Russians sitting at the table next to me argued with the waiter about exactly what it was they wanted.<br />
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Today we start sail measurement and it is a bit of a warm-up day before tomorrow’s mayhem. I might go back to sleep for half an hour.
Juniperhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10930937754917509956noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4569538505653694942.post-10166889907650083892013-10-13T09:12:00.000+01:002013-10-13T09:17:46.223+01:00Mixing sails and wheelsSome of you will know that in my day job I work in the technical and measurement side of yacht racing and have done for nearly 29 years; over the years sailing has inevitably been a part of my life, which really only changed after the crash. Now that Mr H and I are involved in motorsport I have a whole new set of friends and the two areas of my life are totally separate; there is an overlap of interest between the two sports but I would never see any of my sailing friends at a hill climb, and vice versa. In conversation there are often cross-overs between the two and I'll sometimes allude to an equivalent situation in boats, levels of the sport, grand prix owners etc., but that's as far as it goes. </br> </br>
At one recent hill climb at Wiscombe Park, in conversation with a few of our hill climb friends about kids doing karting with pushy parents, I said something about it being the same in dinghies. Another chap on the edge of the conversation immediately picked up on this, and it transpired that he had done quite a bit of yacht racing down in Devon so we ended up talking about that a bit. After a couple of minutes it was clear that our hill climb friends were totally out of the loop, and I was thinking "Actually I really don't want to talk about boats and my work when I'm here enjoying car stuff". </br> </br>
The situation hadn't come up before, the closest I'd got to talking about work was a vague explanation to driving friends about what I did, mainly because the event commentary form asks for your day job! I keep changing what it says and have just about simplified it down to 'yacht racing admin' which is close enough for the purpose.</br> </br>
At the last event we were at, somebody mentioned boats and said that they sailed and I kept my mouth shut; Mr H commented on it later, having realised that I wanted to keep the two things completely separate he hadn't blurted out 'Oh, J works in yacht racing!'. </br> </br>
It's not that I don't love my job, it's just that I deal with sailors all week, day in day out, and at weekends I'd rather be discussing horse-power and the best line round the hairpin...Juniperhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10930937754917509956noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4569538505653694942.post-39096847271177456212013-10-03T14:25:00.001+01:002013-10-03T14:29:03.214+01:00Feeling bereftI am feeling bereft,<br />
Of inspiration<br />
And of intriguing avenues,<br />
Down which my thoughts might<br />
Rush with the abandon of<br />
A puppy on a new scent.<br />
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I yearn for text books,<br />
Pencil notes in the margin;<br />
Question marks where my scurrying mind has<br />
Asked "Is it really as simple as that?"<br />
<br />
I miss the challenge of a new subject,<br />
The fear of lacking ability;<br />
The new-found confidence in an area<br />
Into which I haven't ventured before.<br />
<br />
I am feeling bereft<br />
Without my Open University course.<br />
It seems months since my exam,<br />
And how I looked forward to the break.<br />
<br />
Yet January holds the promise<br />
Of a parcel in the post.<br />
How I now long for those words<br />
'Educational Material"<br />
<br />
And provoking conversations.Juniperhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10930937754917509956noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4569538505653694942.post-19515898190804241102013-09-25T14:32:00.003+01:002013-09-25T14:37:30.508+01:00Mind over matterAn interesting thing has come to my attention this week. For the last few weeks my leg has been giving me trouble, ie. pain. I have started having remedial massage therapy to try and break down the scar tissue on the muscle on the outer thigh, just two sessions so far. It hurts quite a lot while she is doing it, but feels amazing afterwards - no pain at all! But then it wears off after a couple of days. <br />
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This week, my mother has gone down with pneumonia again, and the dog has contracted gastro-enteritis, so I've had a bit to think about. Thankfully Mum has been transferred to hospital, later than she should have been. My poor father had to cope with a couple of falls and confusion caused by low oxygen levels, it's a good thing we live close by and they have other good friends who stood in while we were away at the weekend. Now at least Mum will get the treatment she needs. <br />
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Meanwhile Django became ill on Sunday while we were away and the vet thinks it is gastro-enteritis, his kidneys, liver and bloods looking generally ok. There is one more test to do for his pancreas which we have not had the results for yet. So, he has an upset tummy and right now he can't go into kennels as was planned this weekend. <br />
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So, the interesting thing I have noticed is that while I've been worrying about Mum and Django my leg has been hurting less. Even after some lawn-mowing yesterday evening, and having forgotten to take the Dihydrocodeine the last two days. <br />
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I think this goes to show how powerful a painkiller distraction can be! Juniperhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10930937754917509956noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4569538505653694942.post-38438440606159804212013-09-10T22:47:00.001+01:002013-09-10T22:47:10.418+01:00ModestyWhen I go for scar tissue massage therapy on my leg, she covers me up with a big towel, which seems kind of pointless considering how many professional medical people have seen me almost naked over the last 3 years. I don't care what she sees but rules is rules, eh?Juniperhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10930937754917509956noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4569538505653694942.post-62207338915093730642013-08-17T17:07:00.000+01:002013-08-17T17:07:02.655+01:00Bucking the normWill it ever become the norm NOT to drink alcohol, I was wondering today? <br />
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Other things change: tattoos, once an exception are now mainstream. Smoking, once the norm is now more the exception. <br />
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Alcohol intake seems to have become more the norm than ever before. Is it the state of the world driving everyone to drink? Can people not cope with life without 'dutch courage'? To stand up and say 'I am teetotal' these days would be met with howls of incredulity (at least amongst 99% of the people I know).<br />
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I find it increasingly annoying that it is such an effort NOT to drink alcohol; or even to talk about not drinking alcohol. I was pretty impressed with myself that I managed to go to a regatta in Ireland, of all places, and not drink anything for four days. Anyone involved in sailing or Ireland will appreciate the challenge of doing this without being taken away by the men in white coats.<br />
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This morning I was chatting to a couple of girls at the fitness studio and saying that my leg has been pretty painful the last couple of weeks, and perhaps I should cut out any alcohol in case it's blocking the effects of the painkillers. "Nooo," said one of them, "You need to drink MORE!"<br />
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It's as though it's some kind of automatic response to anything - "Drink more, drink more, drink more, baaaaa, baaaa, baaaa...." Is it because they drink more than they perhaps should, and subliminally feel bad about it and react by telling people to drink more? Is it because they think people who don't drink are 'boring'? (don't get me started, I recently nearly wrote a whole blog post about the concept of 'boring'). I'm no goody-goody and enjoy a glass of wine in an evening, and perhaps a tipple of whisky or port or Baileys, depending on what is in the cupboard. But I now hate being even remotely drunk (even just to the state of thinking I'm not really fully in control of my faculties and would struggle to bother fighting back if I had to) and I actually have a lot more fun on a night out if I stay stone cold sober. <br />
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Others just don't seem to grasp this concept at all and it is so tiring when it is necessary to constantly refuse a drink; or in some cases make sure the Coke I ordered does not have rum surreptitiously added to it.<br />
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Before the howls of protest and 'don't be so boring' start, I don't begrudge other people drinking at all, as long as it doesn't detrimentally affect others' wellbeing. Just don't make me feel like a pariah when I don't want to join you - let me have my Coke / orange juice / water / one glass of wine without making a big deal of it, because I'm a lot more fun when I'm not pissed off!<br />
Juniperhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10930937754917509956noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4569538505653694942.post-47024214140528056222013-08-07T21:07:00.001+01:002013-08-07T21:07:49.193+01:00Loners Unite!The older I get, the more I enjoy going to social things or away on work trips on my own rather than with a friend or work colleague(s). I don't count Mr H in this because he and I think alike, but with girlfriends I feel trapped. I end up not talking to many other people, and they seem incapable of doing anything on their own and insist I go into the same shops, or to the ladies or to the bar with them, or to talk to people THEY want to talk to.<div><br></div><div>When I go on my own I talk to more different people, do what I like, eat when I like, drink the amount I like with no pressure, and go home or to bed when I like. Having the company of clingy friends now irritates me enormously, however much I like them.</div><div><br></div><div>I think I have joined the Loners. And I like it that way!</div><div><br></div>Juniperhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10930937754917509956noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4569538505653694942.post-55394666148310333542013-07-03T21:22:00.005+01:002013-07-03T21:22:56.726+01:00Letting it all goI never take a mirror camping. It matters not to me that I can't see what I look like when I wake up, and as Mr H doesn't scream when he sees me I'm guessing it's not that bad. When camping, I wear no makeup and don't wash and style my hair every day; the whole point of a camping holiday is escape from everyday life, pressures, worries, 'normality'.<br />
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I've never understood women (or men for that matter) who clearly have their normal bathroom / make up routine every day when they are camping - just let it go. Relax, stop worrying about what you look like in the holiday photos. Kick back and be at one with nature.<br />
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I know that some people CANNOT go out in public without makeup on and their hair perfect (or that perfectly messy that takes hours to achieve). I am not one of those people. I never wore much makeup when I was young, and now it is pretty much limited to mascara (only because I have really short eyelashes), and maybe some powder if it's a special occasion. Yes, I'm pretty lazy in the makeup department unless it is a <em>really</em> special occasion when I'll dig out some eye shadow...<br />
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Talking about hair, having been through the phase of liking the novelty of it straightened, I am now enjoying the wildness of curly, 'whatever' hair. It is freeing and makes me feel less like a clone of everyone else with a straight bob haircut. The only time my hair is straight now is when it has just been cut - and that is mainly because the curls don't sit naturally when they've been pulled around, dried, scrunched and tweaked. So I have a couple of days of smart, straight hair every 6 weeks, and then I revert to the 'dragged through hedge backwards' look, and just let it all go...<br />
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Juniperhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10930937754917509956noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4569538505653694942.post-15881200511361154082013-06-19T20:44:00.000+01:002013-06-19T20:46:00.194+01:00The Worm<br />
<span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">I'm sitting on the veranda, not a breath of wind, warm and muggy, and actually looking forward to a Scottish breeze. </span><br />
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<span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">My Crime and Justice exam was last week and went ok.. I'm not sure whether that is a good thing or whether I didn't struggle enough! Now we are off for the post exam holiday, and I can't wait to be away from the southern uk rat race. </span><br />
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<span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">Maybe it's age but I am getting less tolerant of Idiots. I'm also far less of a nice doormat than I used to be; I actually said 'no I can't do it' to two people this afternoon at work, and felt good about it! In the past I've have got myself stressed trying to please people who ask for unimportant things at the last minute, but not now. Most things can wait and if they can't then I will bust a gut to get them done. I don't take things at face value any more, after 4 years of having to back up facts with references! and </span><br />
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<span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">I generally give people the benefit of the doubt, but I'm much more assertive (not rude), making up for 40+ years of trying to please everyone, which is hard work.</span><br />
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<span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">Perhaps this worm has turned...</span>Juniperhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10930937754917509956noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4569538505653694942.post-27979661035589718792013-05-15T11:59:00.000+01:002013-05-15T12:02:40.311+01:00Work/study crossoverLast week's Americas Cup sailing tragedy, where a crew member died while training on one of the super-fast 72 ft catamarans, has brought up an interesting overlap between my work in yacht racing, and my degree studies on crime v. harm: I'm thinking about the self-regulation of high-level (and high finance) sports, and internal investigations into 'accidents', and how this could be seen as corporate crime/harm. <br />
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It's also worrying how (although we might all deny it) things like this can become accepted as a risk of the sport that the competitors knowingly sign up for, I have no doubt that disclaimers abound in the contracts. <br />
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Would you go and work in an 'ordinary' job for an amazing company doing something you loved, but knowing that one day you might not come home from work? Do workers in factories have different rights to those enjoying themselves? What is the difference between company responsibilities in the workplace, and professional sailing where the sailors are effectively employees? <br />
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The AC investigation has to be completed in time for the racing start at the beginning of July; well, they wouldn't want to upset the TV schedules. So, don't worry everyone, the show will go on! After all, it's all about the money.....<br />
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And, as in car racing, some of the Americas Cup spectators will be watching in the hope that there will be a big crash; and that is a whole different question about human nature.Juniperhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10930937754917509956noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4569538505653694942.post-47631865836913491612013-05-01T23:07:00.002+01:002013-05-01T23:07:59.134+01:00May already...?Hello, yep I haven't really been here. But not for bad reasons, life is good. And full!<br />
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My head has either been deep in an essay about Climate Change and how international responses to it cause as much harm as they are trying to alleviate (4000 words), or getting the classic car ready for its first hillclimb. Oh and learning PR and how to write work press releases, and taking time to workout at the fitness studios which are my third home.<br />
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And now its May, and all my essays are in so I only (ONLY!) have revision to do for my exam on June 12th. I haven't even set out a revision plan yet and do seem to have perfected procrastination. <br />
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We did our first hillclimb of the season last weekend, Alex's very first time. It's so good having something fun and challenging to do together, which is competitive but also mutually supportive when we achieve another 10th of a second off our time! <br />
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I had to have my photo taken with the British Women Racing Drivers' Club sticker and the badge on my suit, in order to claim points towards their championship, so here it is for your amusement. Mad hair day :)<br />
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This evening I did my first sailing club safety boat duty, and tractor driving (to launch/recover the boats) for three years. I'd forgotten how much of an upper body workout you get with the tractor, it's 1964 and wouldn't know what power steering was if you mentioned it! <br />
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It was a beautiful, if chilly, evening out on the river and it was good to get out and think about something else.<br />
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<br />Juniperhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10930937754917509956noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4569538505653694942.post-11731052119938998422013-03-14T21:10:00.002+00:002013-03-14T21:10:24.668+00:00Information overloadMy head might possibly explode soon, it is being over-fed. Just one more wafer thin mint....?<br />
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I have just submitted Assignment no.4 which was a tricky one about globalisation, justice and human rights. The progress went from bawling "I-can't-do-it tears" to completion in 5 days, not bad. <br />
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Assignment no.5 is 'the big one', a 4000 word independent essay. In other words the full essay from a question we created ourselves from choice of topics, and previously wrote an essay plan for. Since that was now some time ago I'm going to have to remind myself what it was all about, and of my tutor's feedback. I do know that it involved climate change and power relations. Of course other students on the forum are saying things like "Oh yes, I just have to pad out my essay plan and it's done." Really? no changes to make after the feedback? I always wish I hadn't looked at the forum.<br />
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I just made the mistake of reading a tutorial on the OU website about 'Information and how to find it'. I wish I hadn't looked at that either.<br />
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I think I'm going to switch off my brain now and have a glass of wine instead.<br />
Juniperhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10930937754917509956noreply@blogger.com0