Breathe in peace...

My resolution of 'don't let people wind me up' is being tested now I'm back at work.

Not with customers but with the reminder that it is like living in a student house. Sink perpetually full of cold water with a teaspoon or two at the bottom. Coffee spills on the workstop. Half eaten packets of food that seem to spread. All little things that don't really matter but still irritate.

A friend of mine posted a picture on Facebook recently that said

"Breathe in Peace

Breathe out Love"

Normally I take those sort of phrases with a pinch of salt, but that one seemed to stick in my head. Reminding myself of it helped me get through a few moments over Christmas when I was worrying about things, feeling stressed or thinking uncharitable thoughts about people! 

Try it next time you are feeling wound up, and combine it with a deep breath in and a deep breath out, it works for me...

A new way of thinking

So, Mr H is home and it's brilliant.   The first time he came home, after his year's placement in '08-'09, we had a really awful first week.  I resented him being in 'my' space, and he felt unwelcome; at the end of the week we sat down and talked about it and cleared the air but still it was difficult for both of us.  That had been a year of discovery, of ourselves more than anything else, and we had both rather enjoyed it - it was tough coming back to 'normal'.

This time we felt differently, being apart wasn't novel any more and it had no fixed end to it, which made a lot of difference. We missed each other badly and both felt constantly as though we were waiting for something.  We talked about the difficulties of him moving back, but it's just been a big relief and a happy week for both of us. Even though we have stuff everywhere in the house, it doesn't matter - we have time to sort it out.

It will take a while to get out of the way of thinking that he is just here for the weekend, or week.  For instance the other day I kept thinking "Ooh we must do so-and-so while Mr H is home" and then realised that we didn't have to cram our experiences / things that needed doing into a short space of time.

This evening I looked in the freezer which I had liberally filled with food a couple of weeks before Christmas. I thought "oh no when are we going to eat this stuff before he goes back to Scotland?...."

But, having said there is plenty of time for everything, one of our agreements is that we want to do stuff rather than waste time planning and never doing.  When you live 450 miles apart you realise how hard it is to do simple stuff, spontaneous visits or trips. Everything takes logistics and costs twice as much as it should.  It's really made us appreciate the things we can do with him living here.

This evening (New Year's Eve), Mr H has gone up to a friend's who is playing a live gig, he has gone as the roadie and will stay overnight.  When he mentioned it a month ago it was so nice to be able to say "Yep go for it, I won't come as it's not my kind of thing, I'll stay with Django and see our other friend" (ok, we do have more than 2 friends but you get my drift). The point being firstly that Mr H can go and it's just a couple of hours drive, and secondly that I don't have to spend every waking moment with him because he'll still be here next week, and the one after, and the one after...

Life is sweet!

New Year and the F-It Revolution

At work we name files with a date code which is year-month-day ie. today would be 110101; which makes today a binary day, nice and neat.

I have a journal which I write in periodically, not every day.  In the past I have kept diaries which I have written every day, until I learned that it was a lot more healthy to talk to people about how I was feeling instead of bottling it up. So now I just write occasionally when I have something I want a record of, or feel strongly about.   This morning I wrote "It's January 1st, I know I'm supposed to write something meaningful in my journal. F** it, I'm not going to."  I feel that this is a portentious for the year ahead.

You will see from my side bar that I am currently reading a book called "f**k it : the ultimate spiritual way" which I borrowed from a counsellor friend.  In essence it is a book about acceptance.  Of ourselves, of our friends, of those things we cannot change.   Nothing new there of course, but this book is a) written by a British person eg. not American and b) amusing whilst making you think "You know what? you're absolutely right!".     Despite the title, it isn't an offensive book, he just chose that phrase because it encompasses so many things; in fact he is the Son of a Preacher Man (cue Dusty Springfield).

One of the epiphanies he relates was while on the step machine at the gym, looking around him at all the people pretending to row, or run, or climb mountains, or chop logs, or start a lawn-mower, while staring at MTV to take their minds off the ridiculousness of it all.  He says he just pressed the Stop button, got off the machine, had the best shower of his life, never went back to the gym and got a life instead.

I have done the gym thing in the past (and I have to admit it did cure my bad knee) but it is really a ridiculous pastime for those of us who live in a rural area, when you think about it.  Fair enough if you live in the city and have no gardening to do or wood to cut or woods and fields to walk/run around - but if you live anywhere that it's possible, get out there in the fresh air and get your exercise naturally, and FREE!

I am naming this new philosophy the F-It Revolution.

Spot's Spot: A happy week!

Hello all - this will be my last post of 2010! 

I've been having a grand week at home, what with log fires and having both Mum and Dad to pester for my tea.  Plus I got to supervise them sweeping leaves, and sawing wood.  They have to be watched otherwise they don't do it properly.

Here is me with my new ragga toy they gave me:

and out on the Forest on Boxing Day, brrr cold on the toes standing around waiting for Mum and Dad!

And out in the woods today - look at Mum with no crutch just a stick thing!  she's acting much more normal these days.

Tonight apparently my Auntie G is coming over to see the year out (if we stay awake that long, I know I won't!!).   She gave me a scary squeaky space hopper for Christmas, I'm really not sure about it.

Happy New Year everyone!!

Time to relax

Today we are having a day off.   No appointments to meet, no people to see, no conversation to make, nowhere to go.  Just mooching and doing whatever we please.

So far that has consisted of Mr H walking Django and mending his trousers (he is the ex-upholsterer, I go nowhere near the sewing maching except in emergencies!); I stayed in bed til 10am, showered and planted some bulbs in the garden.  

That's another first - gardening.  Now I don't need my crutches out in the garden so it makes life a lot easier (especially the 'cleaning up after Django' part!).  I think this afternoon we will clear up some leaves and dig some potatoes/carrots for tea.

This is not our garden, it is at my parents' house, where I grew up.

So, other bloggers have been reflecting on 2010 and looking forward to 2011.  I was trying to remember the first 6 months of this year, but the only things that stick in my mind were the ice in January; visiting friends in Cheshire; a night out in Cowes at Easter; our week in the Lake District; Mr H getting his first Forestry Commission job; and our long drive to Scotland and back to view his new flat.  The rest of life was the grit and sand that filled in the gaps between the stones.

The latter 6 months have been about new experiences and good things coming out of bad.  It's so easy for people to see the negative, but I see the fact that Mr H and I are closer than ever; we both have jobs; I have started playing with art again; staff at work have been forced out of taking me for granted and are more involved (maybe I should see the crash as an extension to the management course I did just before it); and I have all you new friends!

As for 2011 - all I can say is that I will take it as it comes.