Waiting for a storm

There's a threatening sense in the air,
The trees are whispering fervently,
"It'sss comingggg"...

The parched ground is ready,
The thirsty leaves looking to the sky,
Still innocently blue and clear.

But there is a promise of heavy drops
Before the night is out,
As thunder approaches on the breeze...

Still on a high

Last night's performance of 'We Will Rock You' - well what can I say?  I'm not a big musical or theatre fan, my friend bought tickets for this for an early birthday present and WOW!   I was glued from start to finish with the talented dancing and incredibly powerful singing.  It was much funnier than I'd expected (although non-Brits wouldn't get all the quips), and had poignant moments too. The choice of Queen tracks for each scene were well chosen and interestingly/amusingly adapted for some.

The second half started with 'One Vision', and when the intro began both my friend and I could close our eyes and imagine ourselves back at Wembley or Knebworth Park, with crowds screaming and Freddie about to strut on stage.

The story is set in the world of 2300 when live music is illegal and all instruments have been banned, all music is digitally produced and danced to by clones. A small group of underground 'Bohemians' hold on to ideas from 300 years previously, found in the video scrolls telling of rock and roll, and a 'dreamer' (our hero) who will save the earth by bringing back live music.

If you're in the UK and any sort of fan of Queen's music or just want a good night out, see it!

I think I'll be getting the record deck out later and playing my Queen LPs from the 80s, loud ;-)

Snippets from an extra bank holiday

I just deleted 118 people from my Facebook friends list, it felt great. They were acquaintances or even 'once-acquaintances'.  It will be interesting to see how many of them even notice.

This morning I watched the Royal Wedding live over at my parents house. I'm not a Royalist or a anti-Royalist - I don't worship the Royal family but equally I have nothing against them.Anyway it was a beautiful show and it was good to see something positive instead of all the doom and gloom. Kate was a lot cooler than I would have been amongst all that pressure!    Oh and for those of you who remember that I hate going to weddings - watching from the comfort of a sofa is quite another matter ;-)   

Tonight I am going with a friend to see We Will Rock You, I used to be a big Queen fan and saw them twice live in the 80s so it should be a good evening!

A small brown spaniel just legged it out of my house closely followed by a barking Django...  It turned out it belonged to visitors next door, it had obviously come through the hedge and had a good nose around!

On that note I must go and get something to eat, have a good weekend.

Physio and the concern of mothers

I saw my physiotherapist this morning.  The outcome of it was that I'm doing all the right things (cycling, walking, exercises) and basically it's now just down to giving it time.  The bone is still 'remodelling' and will be for at least a few more months, so he didn't suggest trampolining or training for a marathon. I mentioned that I was thinking of doing some swimming so that got a tick, as did the fact that I make up my own physio exercises sometimes! So no more appointments, but I can make one with them if I want to discuss anything.

I won't be telling my mother this because I don't think she will consider that sufficient, despite the fact the physiotherapist I've been seeing works at the best regarded practice around here. Although as I see it, the reason I don't need to see him is because I don't need him to motivate me - I have enough motivation for two people, and I imagine that is a big part of a physiotherapist's role.

He said my leg was pretty strong (though it did blooming hurt when he did the 'ok, push as hard as you can against my hand' stuff in all different directions!).

So I'll just carry on doing what I'm doing. Yep, I can manage that.

Studying in a bra, and a photo

I'm sitting on the veranda, typing my essay in my bra (well I was before I popped over here to write this). The 6 o'clock sun is really warm and I'm in the lee of the house so no breeze here... so the t-shirt had to go.  Ah the advantages of having no-one overlooking - at least not unless they really, really try!

The essay is the last one for this year, it's a very general 1500 word affair about the advantage of looking at topics from different psychological perspectives.  I've kind of written the introduction and feel as though the rest will come ok - until I hit that wall of course ;-)

I made a big mistake earlier, I looked at the course page on Facebook. I haven't looked for a while because it annoys me, but I was hoping that in amongst the rubbish there might be some useful tips on TMA06.   There were a couple of posts on there saying 'Oh whatever, I just can't wait to get this year over, I've hated it'.  Last year when I was doing social science there were similar comments about that course. I think I've probably mentioned this before but sorry it's bugging me again. Yes it's been hard on occasion but it's a degree course - what would you expect??  I find it quite sad really, and I want to post on there that I've found it really interesting and life-enhancing and horizon-broadening.  I'm sure it can't just be me...

Here is a completely unconnected photo of my 'garden wall':  Everything growing in it is self-seeded (probably with the help of the birds).  No cherry trees this year (not yet anyway).  Anyone who can invent a connection between this and my post, please share it...

Later when it's cooler I will take Django out for a walk. I suppose I'd better put my t-shirt back on for that.

Stepping back from the edge

Just when things seem to be swinging along, something gets me down again.

I got an invitation to my sister's surprise birthday party, she's going to be 50.  I probably won't go because there are too many difficulties including needing time off work and the fact that she lives 2 hours drive away...  But just thinking about it stressed me out.  Just my parents saying "I know they'd love it if you went".  Nothing's that easy any more and I need to do things in my own time. And getting a lift with someone else would almost be worse - I'd be so tense by the time I got there, having driven the whole way in my head but without the controls!

I already have my first longer drive planned, and it will to see my brother and sister in law where things are relaxed, and if I suddenly got stuck on the way they would probably come and rescue me!   Maybe a madhouse full of teenagers would work just as well, but.... I'm already making the excuses, I'm not going to go.

Even on my bike I've noticed my change in expectations on the road.  I used to be much more casual but now I always wear my helmet and luminous top, even when it makes it a bit warm. Even when it's just 1.5 miles to work. The thing is, I've realised I wear them not only for the obvious reasons, but so that if somebody does knock me off my bike one day I can say "Yes I was wearing a helmet, yes I was wearing a luminous jacket".   In the same way that now I can say "Yes I was wearing my seatbelt / sensible driving shoes / sunglasses" or whatever - don't try and pick up on anything to pin the blame on me.

I read that after a traumatic experience, a person's outlook can change from generally positive to generally negative.  Obviously effects vary but that's kind of how I feel.  Instead of somebody doing something stupid on the road being an outside chance, in my head it's now favourite odds, and it's up to me to anticipate it and avoid it. Maybe that is something do with the fact that there was "little or no chance" of me avoiding our crash (the coroner's words, not mine).

I'm attempting (not always succeeding) to pace myself physically and same applies psychologically.

Maybe I should get myself a T-shirt that says "I'm going as fast as I can...".

The here and now

This being Easter Sunday, all sorts of questions have been going around in my head. Now I know that this is probably a sensitive subject and if it upsets anyone then ... well I suggest you stop reading if you get to that point.

I was raised as a Christian, low key but weekly church and we sang in the choir.  Mr H was brought up with a similar background but probably ducked out earlier than me. In fact I met him at a Christian Arts Festival, he was there for the music and I was there for.... I'm not actually sure.  I started going with my brother and sister in my teens, and I suppose we also went mainly for the music, and it was a 'safe' festival to go to.  It was just something I did.

In my twenties, after I was married, I stopped going to church except at Christmas.  Now I don't even go then because I don't want to be one of those people who only goes to church at Christmas.  Mr H and I didn't have much in common with the people our age at church; instead we'd go out somewhere, to the sea or the forest, because we didn't believe that God's presence was restricted to a stone building. .

Over the last few years, both Mr H have realised separately that we're not really sure what we believe in..  Is that age? or education? or just that we've both become more questioning of things that were previously taken for granted?

Everyone believes that their religion is the 'right' one (although so many of them overlap), but now I don't know if it is.  I feel a bit as though I was brought up being told that Ford was the only make of car, but no-one gave me the opportunity to test drive any of the other makes. I'm not saying I don't want a car at all but in this enlightened age who has the right to tell me it has to be a Ford.  I also don't like the idea that the car manufacturer is responsible for everything, including filling the tank with fuel when required (if you can't keep up with the metaphor, I'm talking about taking responsibility for ourselves, our actions and what happens in our lives instead of relying on Somebody to sort it all for us).

Ford: "Any colour so long as it's black"

Today, as I considered for half a second that I might go to church, I checked myself.   Why did I think I might go?  I realised it was because I thought I ought to be thinking that I should go. Not a good reason.

Then I started thinking about the afterlife, eternal life, eternal damnation, and how some people spend their whole lives worrying about it.  I realised that right here and now I'm not bothered about the afterlife, I'm quite satisfied with the present life.  We think about the past and the future far too much as it is, and thinking beyond death too regularly seems to me to be.. well, odd. I suppose that the reason is that this earthly life is supposed to be just a stepping stone.  But what if this turns out to be it? All of it?  I'm not saying that everyone should go out and party and get hammered every night. I'm just saying that I prefer to make the most of the here and now,

And if when I die I get a shake of the head at Heaven's door, well I'll just have to take responsibility for that.

Sunbathing on Easter Weekend...?

Today I feel that I have been extremely lazy. This is based on the fact that I spent a large number of hours sitting on my sun lounger in the garden reading 'Atonement', drinking tea and watching the birds going about their business.

Normally this would be virtually impossible for me to achieve. I would end up weeding or doing other chores that need doing, and not being able to sit still. But since I had all those months sitting around unable to do things, I am much better at it now.

Django did much the same, except that he slept in various sunny/shady places around the garden instead of reading a book.

We were out walking at 7.15am up on the Forest this morning, and then I walked into town to the market for a few things, so I wasn't a complete slob.  And now it's shady so I have my chores to do - watering the vegetable patch.