So, Mr H is home and it's brilliant. The first time he came home, after his year's placement in '08-'09, we had a really awful first week. I resented him being in 'my' space, and he felt unwelcome; at the end of the week we sat down and talked about it and cleared the air but still it was difficult for both of us. That had been a year of discovery, of ourselves more than anything else, and we had both rather enjoyed it - it was tough coming back to 'normal'.
This time we felt differently, being apart wasn't novel any more and it had no fixed end to it, which made a lot of difference. We missed each other badly and both felt constantly as though we were waiting for something. We talked about the difficulties of him moving back, but it's just been a big relief and a happy week for both of us. Even though we have stuff everywhere in the house, it doesn't matter - we have time to sort it out.
It will take a while to get out of the way of thinking that he is just here for the weekend, or week. For instance the other day I kept thinking "Ooh we must do so-and-so while Mr H is home" and then realised that we didn't have to cram our experiences / things that needed doing into a short space of time.
This evening I looked in the freezer which I had liberally filled with food a couple of weeks before Christmas. I thought "oh no when are we going to eat this stuff before he goes back to Scotland?...."
But, having said there is plenty of time for everything, one of our agreements is that we want to do stuff rather than waste time planning and never doing. When you live 450 miles apart you realise how hard it is to do simple stuff, spontaneous visits or trips. Everything takes logistics and costs twice as much as it should. It's really made us appreciate the things we can do with him living here.
This evening (New Year's Eve), Mr H has gone up to a friend's who is playing a live gig, he has gone as the roadie and will stay overnight. When he mentioned it a month ago it was so nice to be able to say "Yep go for it, I won't come as it's not my kind of thing, I'll stay with Django and see our other friend" (ok, we do have more than 2 friends but you get my drift). The point being firstly that Mr H can go and it's just a couple of hours drive, and secondly that I don't have to spend every waking moment with him because he'll still be here next week, and the one after, and the one after...
Life is sweet!
Saturday, 31 December 2011
A little knowledge....
When someone says to me that "Apparently, in 150 years time there will be no white people left in the UK", I am stuck for any response other than a) don't be ridiculous or b) who cares? but part of me thinks that I should be itching for a debate on the matter, although debating with a racist and xenophobe is probably a non-starter anyway.
Now in my 3rd year of my degree, I feel as though I have learned enough to have opinions on such subjects, but not enough to debate them. It's a strange and slightly irritating in-between position, and as they say 'a little knowledge is a dangerous thing'. Also, what I know is only what I've been told - and who's to say that it's all correct and not just someone's opinion? But unless you are the one who has personally done the research, I suppose that most knowledge is just that, a repeat of what you've been taught.
Despite all I have learned about class and inequality and social justice, when I go out I can feel myself switching back to my old self. The prejudices and stereotypes which have built up over 45 years, based on what peers or the public or the media have said, are hard to shake. But the difference now is that I recognise those prejudices in myself, when I see a group of people from the council estate and stereotype them into bike-stealers, I realise I am doing it. That's not to say that I'll leave my bike unlocked, but now I understand more about the background to those ideas and labels.
It's very easy to get sucked into the common conceptions (and misconceptions) about groups and types of people. It's part of the social 'lubricant' not to be the one who is always standing out from the crowd or disagreeing with what everyone else thinks. (So, how many of the others are doing the same thing and just agreeing for an easy life?)
I wonder whether I will ever get to the point where I see things differently without the conscious effort. And whether I'll ever be able to hold a debate with someone about contentious subjects such as migrants and the relative populations of the UK...
Now in my 3rd year of my degree, I feel as though I have learned enough to have opinions on such subjects, but not enough to debate them. It's a strange and slightly irritating in-between position, and as they say 'a little knowledge is a dangerous thing'. Also, what I know is only what I've been told - and who's to say that it's all correct and not just someone's opinion? But unless you are the one who has personally done the research, I suppose that most knowledge is just that, a repeat of what you've been taught.
Despite all I have learned about class and inequality and social justice, when I go out I can feel myself switching back to my old self. The prejudices and stereotypes which have built up over 45 years, based on what peers or the public or the media have said, are hard to shake. But the difference now is that I recognise those prejudices in myself, when I see a group of people from the council estate and stereotype them into bike-stealers, I realise I am doing it. That's not to say that I'll leave my bike unlocked, but now I understand more about the background to those ideas and labels.
It's very easy to get sucked into the common conceptions (and misconceptions) about groups and types of people. It's part of the social 'lubricant' not to be the one who is always standing out from the crowd or disagreeing with what everyone else thinks. (So, how many of the others are doing the same thing and just agreeing for an easy life?)
I wonder whether I will ever get to the point where I see things differently without the conscious effort. And whether I'll ever be able to hold a debate with someone about contentious subjects such as migrants and the relative populations of the UK...
Wednesday, 14 December 2011
Wasting trees
I had a conversation with my parents tonight about Christmas Cards.
We agreed that it is so disappointing to receive a card from someone who you do not see regularly, may only hear from at Christmas, yet all it says is "love from xxx" (sometimes not even "love").
No news imparted, no personal message. What is the point? That to me is a waste of trees. I don't care if we receive 1 card or 50; it doesn't make me feel any better about myself when I get a card with a typed label and no message in it.
I always write something personal in Christmas Cards, some news of what we've been up to (of course big news this year with Mr H's new job) - even if it's just a couple of lines to some people.
It is some years now since I have written "We must get together in 2006", because that is one of those empty things which gets said year after year and doesn't actually happen.
I've also skimmed the card list down to exclude those who were on it because... well just because. Now I send cards to those I want to write to and share our news, oh and by the way wish them a fantastic Christmas. I no longer send cards to people just because they send me one - it's not a competition. I don't write them to people I see every day, nor people with whom I will spend Christmas Day - I can say it to them personally.
My Christmas Card list contains about 20 people/couples/families, so don't take it personally if you don't get one from me!
We agreed that it is so disappointing to receive a card from someone who you do not see regularly, may only hear from at Christmas, yet all it says is "love from xxx" (sometimes not even "love").
No news imparted, no personal message. What is the point? That to me is a waste of trees. I don't care if we receive 1 card or 50; it doesn't make me feel any better about myself when I get a card with a typed label and no message in it.
I always write something personal in Christmas Cards, some news of what we've been up to (of course big news this year with Mr H's new job) - even if it's just a couple of lines to some people.
It is some years now since I have written "We must get together in 2006", because that is one of those empty things which gets said year after year and doesn't actually happen.
I've also skimmed the card list down to exclude those who were on it because... well just because. Now I send cards to those I want to write to and share our news, oh and by the way wish them a fantastic Christmas. I no longer send cards to people just because they send me one - it's not a competition. I don't write them to people I see every day, nor people with whom I will spend Christmas Day - I can say it to them personally.
My Christmas Card list contains about 20 people/couples/families, so don't take it personally if you don't get one from me!
Tuesday, 6 December 2011
Global or International?
My course book asked an interesting question this week: "When you think of 'global', what does it mean to you?" I hmm-d and haa-d and could only think 'well, worldwide'. They then had a photo of the earth from outer space, and a map of the world showing the divisions of countries.
The earth photo represented those who thought of 'global' as meaning one society of which all human beings are members; no national divisions, we're all in this together no matter what language we speak, what colour of our skin or whatever.
The map, however, they interpreted as representing 'international' rather than 'global'. In other words the world is made up of lots of separate entities and we each sit cocooned in our own comfortable (we lucky ones) country where we know what's what, and being separate from 'the others'.
Of course we all know that clothes we buy in the local department store are made in another country; and occasionally we think about whether the workers in those countries are exploited or just grateful for a job. Likewise with much of the food from the supermarket. But still, We are Here, and They are There.
Even within our own nations, towns, streets there are the divisions of Us and Them. The North/South divide of England for instance - no doubt there are equivalents in all countries.
To think of the world as a single, global society.... those links from one side of the world to the other, remembering that what you buy today was probably made or grown thousands of miles away yesterday... remembering that we are all humans... is not something most of us do regularly.
I am here in Phuket, Thailand surrounded by local people, but also a plethora of nationalities from Australian to Swedish to Russian. Partly that is because I am at an international regatta, but it is also the type of place that is bursting with ex-pats. After a while one hardly notices what accent people have; yesterday somebody asked me if I was from Australia or New Zealand, despite my very English accent.
It's a good exercise occasionally to zoom out of your life, out from your office, house, town, country, continent, until you can see the whole earth and remind ourselves that the only boundaries are man-made.
The earth photo represented those who thought of 'global' as meaning one society of which all human beings are members; no national divisions, we're all in this together no matter what language we speak, what colour of our skin or whatever.
The map, however, they interpreted as representing 'international' rather than 'global'. In other words the world is made up of lots of separate entities and we each sit cocooned in our own comfortable (we lucky ones) country where we know what's what, and being separate from 'the others'.
Of course we all know that clothes we buy in the local department store are made in another country; and occasionally we think about whether the workers in those countries are exploited or just grateful for a job. Likewise with much of the food from the supermarket. But still, We are Here, and They are There.
Even within our own nations, towns, streets there are the divisions of Us and Them. The North/South divide of England for instance - no doubt there are equivalents in all countries.
To think of the world as a single, global society.... those links from one side of the world to the other, remembering that what you buy today was probably made or grown thousands of miles away yesterday... remembering that we are all humans... is not something most of us do regularly.
It's a good exercise occasionally to zoom out of your life, out from your office, house, town, country, continent, until you can see the whole earth and remind ourselves that the only boundaries are man-made.
Tuesday, 29 November 2011
News and emotional confusion
Aarggh I don't know what kind of mood I am in at the moment - the opposite to how everyone would imagine I would be feeling just now...
I have some news to catch you up on, and that is that Mr H. has a new job and will be moving home at Christmas! What a relief to have an end to the 'indefinite period' in Scotland... not that either of us regret it in any way at all, we have both learned a lot from the experience, but we'd both got to the point where we just wanted to be together (and be able to DO things at a moment's notice. That is darn tricky when you are 450 miles apart, everything becomes a logistical nightmare).
He is moving out of forestry, by necessity rather than choice. ie. in the end, the need for him to come home out-weighed staying in forestry. But the new job he has is pretty cool - trimming classic Jaguar cars (ie. upholstery and making carpets, hoods etc.). And better still it is about 2 miles from our house, better than we could have imagined. Sooo he comes home before Christmas and New Year and doesn't go away again!
Meanwhile I fly to Phuket, Thailand (sorry Carol) on Thursday morning to work at a big regatta there. I'm not a particularly good long-haul traveller in that I get dreadful pre-travel nerves, although I am usually fine as soon as I am in the taxi - it's the few days beforehand that make me a wreck. But hey, a week of sun, sea and sand is something to look forward to, even if I do have to still work as well.
Two things to be excited about, so why do I feel that I've had an emotional relapse and am suddenly depressed...?
I have some news to catch you up on, and that is that Mr H. has a new job and will be moving home at Christmas! What a relief to have an end to the 'indefinite period' in Scotland... not that either of us regret it in any way at all, we have both learned a lot from the experience, but we'd both got to the point where we just wanted to be together (and be able to DO things at a moment's notice. That is darn tricky when you are 450 miles apart, everything becomes a logistical nightmare).
He is moving out of forestry, by necessity rather than choice. ie. in the end, the need for him to come home out-weighed staying in forestry. But the new job he has is pretty cool - trimming classic Jaguar cars (ie. upholstery and making carpets, hoods etc.). And better still it is about 2 miles from our house, better than we could have imagined. Sooo he comes home before Christmas and New Year and doesn't go away again!
Meanwhile I fly to Phuket, Thailand (sorry Carol) on Thursday morning to work at a big regatta there. I'm not a particularly good long-haul traveller in that I get dreadful pre-travel nerves, although I am usually fine as soon as I am in the taxi - it's the few days beforehand that make me a wreck. But hey, a week of sun, sea and sand is something to look forward to, even if I do have to still work as well.
Two things to be excited about, so why do I feel that I've had an emotional relapse and am suddenly depressed...?
Tuesday, 22 November 2011
Action stations! Actually a nice cup of tea for me please
I've only been studying social justice for about 6 weeks, but already I'm feeling the disadvantage of being a middle-class, white, employed, healthy female. I have nothing in my day to day life to be an activist or campaign about. Although that's not strictly true, I could be campaigning on behalf of women, since Mr Normal is - obviously - male, white, employed and healthy.
I cannot relate at all to those who are activists (and I know that people who read this are, and I am in no way belittling it) because I have never had issues or felt passionately enough about something to do so. It makes me feel apathetic in a way, because people who do feeling passionate enough to campaign and put heart and soul into something make me feel bad that I don't.
The National Union of Students are having a 'student activism conference' in London tomorrow. It reads like a kind of market for 'things to campaign against' because that's what students do. "Activists will have the opportunity to attend more than 60 workshops organised and run by campaigning organisations, trade unions and student activists from across the UK". A bit like going to a university Open Day?
So now I can feel bad that I'm feeling cynical about the whole thing. And I am a student but I won't be there. Because I'll be at work.
Mrs Normal, that's me.
I cannot relate at all to those who are activists (and I know that people who read this are, and I am in no way belittling it) because I have never had issues or felt passionately enough about something to do so. It makes me feel apathetic in a way, because people who do feeling passionate enough to campaign and put heart and soul into something make me feel bad that I don't.
The National Union of Students are having a 'student activism conference' in London tomorrow. It reads like a kind of market for 'things to campaign against' because that's what students do. "Activists will have the opportunity to attend more than 60 workshops organised and run by campaigning organisations, trade unions and student activists from across the UK". A bit like going to a university Open Day?
So now I can feel bad that I'm feeling cynical about the whole thing. And I am a student but I won't be there. Because I'll be at work.
Mrs Normal, that's me.
Thursday, 3 November 2011
Keeping in touch for Generation Y
I have lost touch with almost everyone I knew at school and college. Most went off to University (I didn't) or I was just never good enough friends with them for either of us to make the effort. In the 80s the only ways to keep in touch were by telephone or letter, if they weren't local.
Those who went to Uni often met their future spouses there, or settled out of the area for other reasons, so didn't come back to their teenage stamping grounds very often. My circle of friends at school was never huge, but it sorted the wheat from the chaff when one had to put effort into keeping in touch when we no longer saw each other every day; and now I am in regular contact with only one person from college days (who is in fact now my best friend). Some have come back into contact but have not stayed as we have nothing in common now, other than having been friends at school.
Now teenagers have Facebook and other networking sites which take no account of distance, they can keep in touch easily and with minimum effort, with tens (and in some cases hundreds) of school friends. Will they stay 'friends' with them all because they never lose touch? or will friends naturally fall by the wayside in the same way? I imagine it will take longer than when one had to pick up a phone and pay for a call, or take the trouble to write and post a letter.
Those who went to Uni often met their future spouses there, or settled out of the area for other reasons, so didn't come back to their teenage stamping grounds very often. My circle of friends at school was never huge, but it sorted the wheat from the chaff when one had to put effort into keeping in touch when we no longer saw each other every day; and now I am in regular contact with only one person from college days (who is in fact now my best friend). Some have come back into contact but have not stayed as we have nothing in common now, other than having been friends at school.
Now teenagers have Facebook and other networking sites which take no account of distance, they can keep in touch easily and with minimum effort, with tens (and in some cases hundreds) of school friends. Will they stay 'friends' with them all because they never lose touch? or will friends naturally fall by the wayside in the same way? I imagine it will take longer than when one had to pick up a phone and pay for a call, or take the trouble to write and post a letter.
Sunday, 30 October 2011
Change time
Today our clocks went back to GMT here in the UK.. I managed to enjoy an extra hour in bed and still not get up late, having woken up at about 7.20am after a dream about being on a sinking Volvo 70 after somebody wound the keel too far (yeah I'm meaning a boat not a car).. I was just asking politely where the lifejackets were when I woke up.
Stepping back a couple of weeks, I saw my doctor for various things that needed updating, and ended up with a 'mild depression' diagnosis having burst into tears on seeing her, and us having a long chat. Nothing I hadn't worked out myself really, I've just run out of adrenalin/seratonin/Mojo. Not bad enough for meds (the first thing I said was that I don't want any more) and the prescription was plenty of fresh air and exercise, allowing myself treats, and not becoming a hermit.. ie. socialising. I have never been big on socialising because.. well I can't be bothered with thinking of things to talk about. I told her about being a child and never wanting to go to any parties. And then not wanting to go home again (after my parents had made me go).
"Ok" my doctor said, "You need to talk to yourself like a 4 year old.... tell yourself you'll enjoy it when you get there. And it WILL make you feel better. Oh, and no alcohol."
I have been feeling better, with the odd relapse. This morning I decided that I was NOT going to see what my hair looks like in it's natural colour, because that would mean I had given up and didn't care what I looked like. My hair to me is like other people treat make up or clothes - it defines me.
So, it is currently cooking back to Red Passion.. in fact it was due to wash out 10 minutes ago so I'd better go!
Stepping back a couple of weeks, I saw my doctor for various things that needed updating, and ended up with a 'mild depression' diagnosis having burst into tears on seeing her, and us having a long chat. Nothing I hadn't worked out myself really, I've just run out of adrenalin/seratonin/Mojo. Not bad enough for meds (the first thing I said was that I don't want any more) and the prescription was plenty of fresh air and exercise, allowing myself treats, and not becoming a hermit.. ie. socialising. I have never been big on socialising because.. well I can't be bothered with thinking of things to talk about. I told her about being a child and never wanting to go to any parties. And then not wanting to go home again (after my parents had made me go).
"Ok" my doctor said, "You need to talk to yourself like a 4 year old.... tell yourself you'll enjoy it when you get there. And it WILL make you feel better. Oh, and no alcohol."
I have been feeling better, with the odd relapse. This morning I decided that I was NOT going to see what my hair looks like in it's natural colour, because that would mean I had given up and didn't care what I looked like. My hair to me is like other people treat make up or clothes - it defines me.
So, it is currently cooking back to Red Passion.. in fact it was due to wash out 10 minutes ago so I'd better go!
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