I have spent the last 12 months "discovering myself"... what did I discover?
That I can cope perfectly well with living on my own, apart from the monthly blues which bring on a layer of loneliness.
That I am just as untidy as him, but somehow it doesn't matter so much when it's only your own stuff.
That I enjoy studying and am actually quite good at it.
That although I am always the same person inside, my hairstyle does affect my outlook on life and how I react to others. I never thought it would be that shallow, but it is.
That I like having (almost need) something or someone to care about and care for; be it human, mammal or feathered. Perhaps this is an inbuilt female trait which I had not previous realised I possessed?
That I have started dreaming about a different future, a different career, a different house in a different place.. all things that until now other people do, but not me. I have lived in the same town for 43 years; I have been in the same office for 25 years; I have been married to a fantastic man for 20 years (that bit I'm not planning on changing...).
I am going to hurl those ideals of change and choice in front of me, and start fighting my natural urge to be sensible and realistic and stick with what I know.
Maybe I'll decide that actually I love what I am and where I am. Or maybe I'll end up as a philosophical psychologist in deepest Scotland.
Who knows.
Weird isn't it how you are suddenly planning a different life when you'd never thought about it before. It gets even easier, keep imagining...............
ReplyDelete(I'm only Rosie on this because I had to invent a new email address and it was the book on the shelf in front of me.)