The Worm

I'm sitting on the veranda, not a breath of wind, warm and muggy, and actually looking forward to a Scottish breeze. 

My Crime and Justice exam was last week and went ok.. I'm not sure whether that is a good thing or whether I didn't struggle enough! Now we are off for the post exam holiday, and I can't wait to be away from the southern uk rat race. 

Maybe it's age but I am getting less tolerant of Idiots. I'm also far less of a nice doormat than I used to be; I actually said 'no I can't do it' to two people this afternoon at work, and felt good about it! In the past I've have got myself stressed trying to please people who ask for unimportant things at the last minute, but not now. Most things can wait and if they can't then I will bust a gut to get them done.  I don't take things at face value any more, after 4 years of having to back up facts with references! and 

I generally give people the benefit of the doubt, but I'm much more assertive (not rude), making up for 40+ years of trying to please everyone, which is hard work.

Perhaps this worm has turned...

Work/study crossover

Last week's Americas Cup sailing tragedy, where a crew member died while training on one of the super-fast 72 ft catamarans, has brought up an interesting overlap between my work in yacht racing, and my degree studies on crime v. harm: I'm thinking about the self-regulation of high-level (and high finance) sports, and internal investigations into 'accidents', and how this could be seen as corporate crime/harm.

It's also worrying how (although we might all deny it) things like this can become accepted as a risk of the sport that the competitors knowingly sign up for, I have no doubt that disclaimers abound in the contracts. 

Would you go and work in an 'ordinary' job for an amazing company doing something you loved, but knowing that one day you might not come home from work? Do workers in factories have different rights to those enjoying themselves? What is the difference between company responsibilities in the workplace, and professional sailing where the sailors are effectively employees?

The AC investigation has to be completed in time for the racing start at the beginning of July; well, they wouldn't want to upset the TV schedules. So, don't worry everyone, the show will go on! After all, it's all about the money.....

And, as in car racing, some of the Americas Cup spectators will be watching in the hope that there will be a big crash; and that is a whole different question about human nature.

May already...?

Hello, yep I haven't really been here.  But not for bad reasons, life is good. And full!

My head has either been deep in an essay about Climate Change and how international responses to it cause as much harm as they are trying to alleviate (4000 words), or getting the classic car ready for its first hillclimb.  Oh and learning PR and how to write work press releases, and taking time to workout at the fitness studios which are my third home.

And now its May, and all my essays are in so I only (ONLY!) have revision to do for my exam on June 12th.  I haven't even set out a revision plan yet and do seem to have perfected procrastination. 

We did our first hillclimb of the season last weekend, Alex's very first time.  It's so good having something fun and challenging to do together, which is competitive but also mutually supportive when we achieve another 10th of a second off our time!  

I had to have my photo taken with the British Women Racing Drivers' Club sticker and the badge on my suit, in order to claim points towards their championship, so here it is for your amusement.  Mad hair day :)

This evening I did my first sailing club safety boat duty, and tractor driving (to launch/recover the boats) for three years.  I'd forgotten how much of an upper body workout you get with the tractor, it's 1964 and wouldn't know what power steering was if you mentioned it! 

It was a beautiful, if chilly, evening out on the river and it was good to get out and think about something else.

Information overload

My head might possibly explode soon, it is being over-fed.  Just one more wafer thin mint....?

I have just submitted Assignment no.4 which was a tricky one about globalisation, justice and human rights.  The progress went from bawling "I-can't-do-it tears" to completion in 5 days, not bad. 

Assignment no.5 is 'the big one', a 4000 word independent essay. In other words the full essay from a question we created ourselves from choice of topics, and previously wrote an essay plan for. Since that was now some time ago I'm going to have to remind myself what it was all about, and of my tutor's feedback. I do know that it involved climate change and power relations.  Of course other students on the forum are saying things like "Oh yes, I just have to pad out my essay plan and it's done."  Really? no changes to make after the feedback? I always wish I hadn't looked at the forum.

I just made the mistake of reading a tutorial on the OU website about 'Information and how to find it'.  I wish I hadn't looked at that either.

I think I'm going to switch off my brain now and have a glass of wine instead.

Brain issues

The last 'normal' essay I wrote was before Christmas, and I feel as though I have forgotten how to write one! The assignment I have done since Christmas was a Plan for the long 4000 word essay we have to do in April, so that was very different.

Assignment no.4 is due on March 14th and I feel slightly in denial about starting on it, but thankfully I have a tutorial on Saturday so that should help!

..........................

One of my work colleagues recently had a 'chat' with the boss about her production levels. Her response was to come into work early and leave late the last couple of days (unnecessary for getting the work done) and note down how much she had invoiced (we don't work on commission and this is irrelevant information).  I was interested how her interpretation of what would 'fix it' is totally different to mine. If I had been given the same 'chat' I would look at my time management and priorities. But I suppose that difference is the reason that she gets The Chat, and I don't.

Balancing act

Recently I have noticed that I have been spending more time at Shape Up Studios, and less time studying. At least, it feels that way.

The studios are good fun and I have unconsciously increased my evenings there from 3 times a week to 4 or 5.  During the week I usually go straight from work, unless I'm doing a 6.30 class in which case I go home first. It's my equivalent of going to a wine bar to meet friends, chat and have a laugh.. only more healthy and less expensive!

I thought that I was missing out on early evening studying time, but actually when I think about it Mr H and I spend the first 45 minutes after work sitting having a cup of tea and ranting to each other about our days at work ;)  OK it's not always a rant, lets say 'we tell each other about our days'.   So perhaps going to the studios isn't interfering with the studying after all, it gives Mr H some chilling/guitar playing time, and we still catch up on our day's news when I get home.

In the mornings Mr H takes Django out for half an hour for a constitutional, and I have started spending that time studying, and leaving the washing up until he gets back since I can talk at the same time.  I still need some longer study periods especially as I will soon be working on my next essay, so I will need to fit that in to my day.

I nearly wrote 'schedule it', but I wrote on Twitter recently that 'I abhor routine', and I do.  I particularly hate it in other people who can't adapt because they *always* eat at dot on 6.30pm and the dog *has* to be walked at 4.15pm. The mornings are the only time we do have a routine, because it works for us. In the evenings we do whatever needs doing and at some point remember that we need to eat.

Everything is adaptable to find the right balance.

Gold stars?

I feel like a kid going to report to the headmaster, as I have my annual 'MOT' check-up at the doctor's this afternoon. 

This time last year I was still a bit discombobulated from Mr H being away and then being home, he had been back about a month at that point.  I was on 2 painkillers a day and was 71kg, the heaviest I've ever been.

This year things are settled down with Mr H home and everything's going well. I've been going to the gym since May and am now just about 65kg, and more inches than that smaller (since I have put on muscle which is heavier than fat).  I stopped the painkillers in January for a couple of weeks, but found I needed them to cope with going to the gym!  I am now on 1/2 or one a day depending on what I am doing that day.  I'm certainly happier than I was this time last year and hopefully won't burst into tears in the surgery as I have the last 3 or 4 times I've seen her, when she's asked how I am. That will be progress in itself.

So, I'm hoping this afternoon my doctor is going to pat me on the head and give me a gold star for progress!

Marriage

I was chatting with a friend this afternoon, who is coming up to the first anniversary of her second marriage.  We were discussing the 'official' anniversary gifts for each year as she said that they had agreed to have a big celebration every five years rather than wait for 25!    I said 'What's the gift for 24 years?' as that will be our anniversary in April 2013.  She didn't know, but asked me - what is the secret of a long and happy marriage?

I don't know why 'long' and 'happy' always go together, because when you've been married a long time, unless you are one of those horribly perfect couples on the inside as well as the outside, the chances are it hasn't always been a bed of roses.  But anyway, getting back to the question....

I instantly said 'Communication'.  

Over the last 24 years, things have variously been bottled up; written in a diary instead of talking about them; or simply left unsaid. At some point diaries were discontinued, and in fact destroyed - a clean sheet of paper, as it were. But with no paper involved. It was a good start to talking more.

I followed it up with 'Sending them away for a year helps too'.

We chuckled but it's true. There is nothing like not having someone around all the time to make you realise how much they mean to you, and perhaps how much you take them for granted.  And the communication flourished for being on writing paper, in an envelope with a postage stamp.  I'm not suggesting that it would work for everyone, but it was good for us.

'And lastly', I said, 'go through a traumatic experience together'.

Having to support each other, and in our case one being reliant on the other to some extent, is a big ask for a relationship.  I'm sure in some cases it can cause massive strain, stress and resentment but in our case it brought us even closer together (at least, if Mr H resents any of it, he hasn't told me!)

So there you have it, my recipe for a long marriage:  Communication, Absence and Trauma.

You could probably leave out the last two.