Tuesday, 14 August 2012

Distraction

Several members of the Cameroon and Congo Olympic teams have gone missing in the UK.

I can't help thinking that the anticipation and knowledge that you have a planned 'disappearance' whilst here for the Games must impact your sporting performance quite considerably?

Thursday, 9 August 2012

Never too old for night terrors?

For the last few nights I've been having those nightmares where I wake up and either don't know where I am, or don't know who the scary person next to me is.  I am glad to say that I am always so relieved to find that it is Mr H and I am overwhelmed by a feeling of being safe and protected because he is with me.

Some nights I just work out what's going on and go back to sleep; other nights I end up sobbing with the release of fear and the emotional mash-up that has been going around my head.

Not being one for dream translation, I am more likely to try and remember what I ate or drank on the evenings before these episodes.  But maybe deep down I am scared of something... I just don't know what.

Monday, 6 August 2012

Mortality

I apologise for this seemingly morbid topic.

At 46 many people might start thinking about dying... I don't mean considering doing it, I mean thinking that they are getting older and that they are mortal, and that we won't be here forever.

Nobody said this to me, but in the newspaper report of our crash I red that my injuries were 'initially thought to be life threatening'.  I thought about this and wondered what it would have been like to die, given that I was so drugged up on morphine there are bits I can't really remember clearly.  I came to the conclusion that I wouldn't really have known about it and that it would have been my family and friends who would have had all the suffering.

I was thinking about it the other day, and realised that although I am scared of getting old and infirm and losing my mental abilities; and of suffering and pain for both myself and my loved ones, I'm not afraid of dying itself. 

It's not that I believe in an afterlife or heaven/hell, I just feel that it will be a long and very peaceful sleep (hopefully not involving strange dreams that involve having to hide the duvet).