Mixing sails and wheels

Some of you will know that in my day job I work in the technical and measurement side of yacht racing and have done for nearly 29 years; over the years sailing has inevitably been a part of my life, which really only changed after the crash. Now that Mr H and I are involved in motorsport I have a whole new set of friends and the two areas of my life are totally separate; there is an overlap of interest between the two sports but I would never see any of my sailing friends at a hill climb, and vice versa. In conversation there are often cross-overs between the two and I'll sometimes allude to an equivalent situation in boats, levels of the sport, grand prix owners etc., but that's as far as it goes.

At one recent hill climb at Wiscombe Park, in conversation with a few of our hill climb friends about kids doing karting with pushy parents, I said something about it being the same in dinghies. Another chap on the edge of the conversation immediately picked up on this, and it transpired that he had done quite a bit of yacht racing down in Devon so we ended up talking about that a bit. After a couple of minutes it was clear that our hill climb friends were totally out of the loop, and I was thinking "Actually I really don't want to talk about boats and my work when I'm here enjoying car stuff".

The situation hadn't come up before, the closest I'd got to talking about work was a vague explanation to driving friends about what I did, mainly because the event commentary form asks for your day job! I keep changing what it says and have just about simplified it down to 'yacht racing admin' which is close enough for the purpose.

At the last event we were at, somebody mentioned boats and said that they sailed and I kept my mouth shut; Mr H commented on it later, having realised that I wanted to keep the two things completely separate he hadn't blurted out 'Oh, J works in yacht racing!'.

It's not that I don't love my job, it's just that I deal with sailors all week, day in day out, and at weekends I'd rather be discussing horse-power and the best line round the hairpin...

Feeling bereft

I am feeling bereft,
Of inspiration
And of intriguing avenues,
Down which my thoughts might
Rush with the abandon of
A puppy on a new scent.

I yearn for text books,
Pencil notes in the margin;
Question marks where my scurrying mind has
Asked "Is it really as simple as that?"

I miss the challenge of a new subject,
The fear of lacking ability;
The new-found confidence in an area
Into which I haven't ventured before.

I am feeling bereft
Without my Open University course.
It seems months since my exam,
And how I looked forward to the break.

Yet January holds the promise
Of a parcel in the post.
How I now long for those words
'Educational Material"

And provoking conversations.

Mind over matter

An interesting thing has come to my attention this week. For the last few weeks my leg has been giving me trouble, ie. pain. I have started having remedial massage therapy to try and break down the scar tissue on the muscle on the outer thigh, just two sessions so far. It hurts quite a lot while she is doing it, but feels amazing afterwards - no pain at all! But then it wears off after a couple of days.

This week, my mother has gone down with pneumonia again, and the dog has contracted gastro-enteritis, so I've had a bit to think about. Thankfully Mum has been transferred to hospital, later than she should have been. My poor father had to cope with a couple of falls and confusion caused by low oxygen levels, it's a good thing we live close by and they have other good friends who stood in while we were away at the weekend. Now at least Mum will get the treatment she needs.

Meanwhile Django became ill on Sunday while we were away and the vet thinks it is gastro-enteritis, his kidneys, liver and bloods looking generally ok. There is one more test to do for his pancreas which we have not had the results for yet. So, he has an upset tummy and right now he can't go into kennels as was planned this weekend.

So, the interesting thing I have noticed is that while I've been worrying about Mum and Django my leg has been hurting less. Even after some lawn-mowing yesterday evening, and having forgotten to take the Dihydrocodeine the last two days.

I think this goes to show how powerful a painkiller distraction can be!

Modesty

When I go for scar tissue massage therapy on my leg, she covers me up with a big towel, which seems kind of pointless considering how many professional medical people have seen me almost naked over the last 3 years. I don't care what she sees but rules is rules, eh?

Bucking the norm

Will it ever become the norm NOT to drink alcohol, I was wondering today?  

Other things change:  tattoos, once an exception are now mainstream. Smoking, once the norm is now more the exception. 

Alcohol intake seems to have become more the norm than ever before. Is it the state of the world driving everyone to drink?  Can people not cope with life without 'dutch courage'?  To stand up and say 'I am teetotal' these days would be met with howls of incredulity (at least amongst 99% of the people I know).

I find it increasingly annoying that it is such an effort NOT to drink alcohol; or even to talk about not drinking alcohol. I was pretty impressed with myself that I managed to go to a regatta in Ireland, of all places, and not drink anything for four days.  Anyone involved in sailing or Ireland will appreciate the challenge of doing this without being taken away by the men in white coats.

This morning I was chatting to a couple of girls at the fitness studio and saying that my leg has been pretty painful the last couple of weeks, and perhaps I should cut out any alcohol in case it's blocking the effects of the painkillers.  "Nooo," said one of them, "You need to drink MORE!"

It's as though it's some kind of automatic response to anything - "Drink more, drink more, drink more, baaaaa, baaaa, baaaa...." Is it because they drink more than they perhaps should, and subliminally feel bad about it and react by telling people to drink more? Is it because they think people who don't drink are 'boring'? (don't get me started, I recently nearly wrote a whole blog post about the concept of 'boring').  I'm no goody-goody and enjoy a glass of wine in an evening, and perhaps a tipple of whisky or port or Baileys, depending on what is in the cupboard. But I now hate being even remotely drunk (even just to the state of thinking I'm not really fully in control of my faculties and would struggle to bother fighting back if I had to) and I actually have a lot more fun on a night out if I stay stone cold sober. 

Others just don't seem to grasp this concept at all and it is so tiring when it is necessary to constantly refuse a drink; or in some cases make sure the Coke I ordered does not have rum surreptitiously added to it.

Before the howls of protest and 'don't be so boring' start, I don't begrudge other people drinking at all, as long as it doesn't detrimentally affect others' wellbeing.  Just don't make me feel like a pariah when I don't want to join you - let me have my Coke / orange juice / water / one glass of wine without making a big deal of it, because I'm a lot more fun when I'm not pissed off!

Loners Unite!

The older I get, the more I enjoy going to social things or away on work trips on my own rather than with a friend or work colleague(s). I don't count Mr H in this because he and I think alike, but with girlfriends I feel trapped. I end up not talking to many other people, and they seem incapable of doing anything on their own and insist I go into the same shops, or to the ladies or to the bar with them, or to talk to people THEY want to talk to.

When I go on my own I talk to more different people, do what I like, eat when I like, drink the amount I like with no pressure, and go home or to bed when I like. Having the company of clingy friends now irritates me enormously, however much I like them.

I think I have joined the Loners. And I like it that way!

Letting it all go

I never take a mirror camping.  It matters not to me that I can't see what I look like when I wake up, and as Mr H doesn't scream when he sees me I'm guessing it's not that bad.  When camping, I wear no makeup and don't wash and style my hair every day; the whole point of a camping holiday is escape from everyday life, pressures, worries, 'normality'.

I've never understood women (or men for that matter) who clearly have their normal bathroom / make up routine every day when they are camping - just let it go.  Relax, stop worrying about what you look like in the holiday photos. Kick back and be at one with nature.

I know that some people CANNOT go out in public without makeup on and their hair perfect (or that perfectly messy that takes hours to achieve).  I am not one of those people.  I never wore much makeup when I was young, and now it is pretty much limited to mascara (only because I have really short eyelashes), and maybe some powder if it's a special occasion. Yes, I'm pretty lazy in the makeup department unless it is a really special occasion when I'll dig out some eye shadow...

Talking about hair, having been through the phase of liking the novelty of it straightened, I am now enjoying the wildness of curly, 'whatever' hair. It is freeing and makes me feel less like a clone of everyone else with a straight bob haircut. The only time my hair is straight now is when it has just been cut - and that is mainly because the curls don't sit naturally when they've been pulled around, dried, scrunched and tweaked.  So I have a couple of days of smart, straight hair every 6 weeks, and then I revert to the 'dragged through hedge backwards' look, and just let it all go...

The Worm

I'm sitting on the veranda, not a breath of wind, warm and muggy, and actually looking forward to a Scottish breeze. 

My Crime and Justice exam was last week and went ok.. I'm not sure whether that is a good thing or whether I didn't struggle enough! Now we are off for the post exam holiday, and I can't wait to be away from the southern uk rat race. 

Maybe it's age but I am getting less tolerant of Idiots. I'm also far less of a nice doormat than I used to be; I actually said 'no I can't do it' to two people this afternoon at work, and felt good about it! In the past I've have got myself stressed trying to please people who ask for unimportant things at the last minute, but not now. Most things can wait and if they can't then I will bust a gut to get them done.  I don't take things at face value any more, after 4 years of having to back up facts with references! and 

I generally give people the benefit of the doubt, but I'm much more assertive (not rude), making up for 40+ years of trying to please everyone, which is hard work.

Perhaps this worm has turned...