Tuesday's gone with the wind

So, that was Tuesday.

Monday was full of e-mails, it took me all day to get through them all. Today thank goodness I had only a few so managed to get some work done (yes I know e-mails are work, but you know what I mean).  I've been trying to work out how I feel - at one moment like I've been run over by a steam-roller, at another relaxed and happy.  Last week took it out of me, or rather the last few weeks of really busy work mixed with revision.

This morning I turned the alarm off in my sleep and woke up at 8.27am - oh bugger - I had stayed up too late finishing a gripping police novel so it was my own fault. And then I lay awake worrying about psychos breaking in.  So then I had a mad rush for breakfast (can't face the day without some) but still cycled to work because I had promised myself not to use the car unless I have to. So I arrived at work a bit kerfuffled.

I felt a bit down this evening, I just felt limp and my leg was hurting which must be because yet again I've been considering cutting down on the DHC. I walked fast into town to catch the 6pm post with my letter to Mr H, and sat on a bench for a bit watching people before ambling home in the sunshine. I then cheered myself up by picking a pile of vegetables to go with the local sausages I got from the market.  It feels so good to eat fresh from the garden, it makes all the digging (thanks Mr H) and planting and hoe-ing and waiting worthwhile.   I even managed to mow the main lawn before it rains again.  'The main lawn' - that makes it sound as though we live on an estate with multiple lawns and water features and acres of vegetable garden.  Well we do have a fake stone bird bath.

My sister and her partner are coming down later this week, they stay at my parents' a couple of miles away.  So I'm going over on Thursday and we're all going out by the sounds of it; I'm not really in the mood but it will be good to see them.  Typically my great plans to start driving around visiting family has coincided with me deciding that I really need to cut down my expenditure.  But I do need to take a weekend trip soon, to see how I get on with the driving. I wish I had the van because I feel invincible in that... but will have to make do with the Golf for now.  One would think that I'd be more uncomfortable in the van because of the associations, but it's quite the opposite.

Now having rambled enough I am going to make a cup of tea and start reading "Zero Degrees of Empathy - a New Theory of Human Cruelty" which is a cheerful book by Simon Baron-Cohen.  Let's hope it doesn't give me nightmares....

Peaceful interlude

What can I hear?

Django snoring,
The clock ticking
The tap of the laptop keyboard.
Birds trilling outside

Otherwise all is quiet.

Mr H has gone fly-fishing on the river, it's right outside the door so I will pop out and see him presently; maybe I will sneak up and take some photos before he sees me.

We've had a lovely few days - a long walk on the beach, a short but steep walk up to a local monument, and this morning a damp riverside walk.  My leg aches but it's worth it.

Tonight Mr H is playing a half-hour set at his local bar. It's threatened with closure and they have got 12 bands together to play a gig, it will be busy and full of chatter.

Tomorrow morning will be a walk by the river, cooked breakfast, then a drive to the station and tearful goodbyes.  By the time I get to Glasgow I will have recovered my composure and be looking forward to getting home... and hoping that there are no delays and missed connections as there were on the way up.

This week off work has seemed more like two, it will almost seem odd to be going to work on Monday morning...

Notes to self...

Well the exam's over .... for another year anyway!  (I'm assuming here that I have managed 40% and won't be re-sitting in October...).  It went ok, I could answer all the questions and I feel all right about it. Not 'that was easy' but not 'that was awful' either.  

I now have 3 1/2 months of summer holiday before my 3rd year starts at the beginning of October, which will be 'Welfare, Crime and Society'.

I have learned a few things this year about studying, when there's an exam at the end (we didn't have one in the first year):

1. write good, clear notes during the year, even though it makes the reading more time consuming. I did this and it was a godsend when it came to revision.

2. my revision schedule worked - a month of rotating subjects, but making sure I took really good breaks as well.

3. try not to stress - after all it's not a life and death situation, and stress hormones aren't productive.

3. at the exam - don't sit with stressed people while waiting to go in!   I and three of my friends were sitting together quite happily, talking about other things. Two of our tutor group turned up, both intelligent girls. One was totally stressed out, and they started talking about subjects and the other one even had her text book out!  It totally screwed with our minds, even with my fingers in my ears, and we ended up going out and standing in the corridor to escape them.  Interestingly, one of them finished half an hour early, and the other one muttered afterwards about having totally screwed it up. So I'm not sure what that tells me.

So, tomorrow I have an 8 1/2 hour train journey up to Scotland.  Mr H is currently at his parents in Wales and he and Django will be racing me north in the van!  I can't wait, I haven't been up there since February, can you believe it?

I feel a bit weird at the moment to be honest, not quite sure what to do with myself after 9 months of feeling as though I should be reading/writing study stuff.  Although I'm glad to relax, I expect by September I'll be pleased when the box of new text books arrives...

Things I've done and survived

O-Levels, A-Levels, driving test, piano exams, violin exams, motorbike test; unexpectedly having to stand up on a chair and tell a bunch of millionaires which sails they can legally use. Getting married!

All those stressful situations I've survived.

I had a pretty anxious morning yesterday, but now I'm ready for this pissy little exam.  And in 24 hours I'll be on a train to Scotland :-)

Here is a photo of a beautiful poppy which is growing in the corner of my vegetable patch, self-seeded.   Isn't it just the best de-stressing sight?

Six Word Saturday

Six Word Saturday


Only three days until summer holidays!

What am I going to do with my time after Tuesday... no studying until October, and no dog until September!   Oh well yes there's the day-job, but I'm talking about all those other hours.

I am determined not to totally waste them (although there will be some sun-lounger + novel time involved) so had better start writing down ideas now...

It's elementary, my dear Watson

Learning about learning - it's a bit like being in a vortex of ever decreasing circles (or is that mixing metaphors?).

The behavourists had a nice simple idea about learning: cause and effect.    Watson (no relation to he of Sherlock Holmes fame, as far as I know), said that all the fluffy, cognitive and social psychological research was meaningless, and that one should only study things that can be counted or measured scientifically.   He was the pioneer of behavioural research, and famously created in a child called Little Albert a phobia of his white rat, by associating it with a loud noise - all in the name of psychological research.  The ethics of this are undeniably dodgy, and in a less controversial but just as well known study, Pavlov conditioned dogs to salivate at the sound of a bell.   He did this by creating an association between the bell and food, so that the dog eventually came to expect food when the bell was rung. In Django's case, the words "Are you hungry?" have the same effect!

These two studies concentrated on the learning or 'conditioning' of involuntary behaviour.  BF Skinner went a step further and did studies on how to change voluntary behaviour.  Using pigeons or rats in a box, he had a set up such that when they pecked a particular spot, or pressed a lever, they received a reward of food, thus reinforcing the behaviour. This type of learning is known as operant conditioning, because the association is between an action and a reward.  Operant conditioning introduced the theory of positive and negative reinforcement, which has been very influential in behaviour modification efforts.

Positive reinforcement is simple - if the behaviour is correct, there is a reward, while negative reinforcement means that if the behaviour is correct, then something unpleasant (such a loud noise or pain) is stopped. Over time, the behaviour is reinforced and gradually developed - a process known as shaping.   Skinner believed that these were the best ways to change people's behaviour, and was totally against punishment. He said that it doesn't work long term, and that it can lead to other unwanted behaviour.

In the above studies, the animals involved were reacting automatically to stimuli, known as 'stimulus-response' learning.  They took no account of conscious thought being involved - unlike cognitive psychologists, the behaviourists did not consider that anything went on between the ears.

However, one researcher following on from Skinner did find that there may be more to animals' behaviour than simple stimulus-response. Tolman did experiments with different routes and mazes, which suggested that rats were using knowledge flexibly to make inferences about where the food was, rather than reacting automatically.

Behavourists work on the premise that research on animals can be extended to humans, and indeed some of their studies have proved very useful in human applications, particularly in classroom situations, treating phobias and aversion therapy.

However, it's hard to say that animal learning as a whole can be generalised to humans, partly because animals learn some things better than others - ie. where food is involved.   Can you see a pigeon getting enthusiastic about pecking a button on the promise of a new pair of football boots...?

Vaporization

I know a person who is an acquaintance, a friend-of-a-friend, who is generally ok but on occasion is a bit overly flirtatious in a slightly uncomfortable way.

Sometimes he's funny, sometimes he gives me the creeps.

Today he thought he was being funny, but it made me wonder to what lengths his over-active imagination goes at night.  Which made me feel a bit sick.

So I vaporized him.

And it felt good.

The Ice Queen strikes again.

In case you wonder where the nutter came from

You may have realised that I am using my blog as a revision tool .... normally meaningless (!) service will resume in a few days.

In the meantime, you may inwardly digest, swear at, laugh at, wonder about or completely ignore my posts.

J.