Getting More

Well Folks you'll be pleased to hear that I'm feeling a lot more positive about things than I have been this week.  

I also have some I Want More plans for this weekend.  Just little things but that's all that was ordered - no mountains require moving and no major expenses.

Wishing you all a lovely weekend!

The Leg Says 'No'!

Sadly the Holiday Anaesthetic has worn off....  I might Want More but my body doesn't currently agree with me, it's gone on strike!  I was feeling so good after our holiday, and the fact that I managed to do more walking than I thought, that I was all fired up with enthusiasm when I got back.   Couple that with the cost of running a car 1.5 miles to work and back every day (I can't believe how quickly the tank empties doing those short trips) at over £1.30 per litre and I was determined to use Shanks Pony or my bicycle for my commute. 

So on a couple of days I cycled in the morning and drove in the afternoon (have already established that once there and back is enough at the moment).

On Tuesday I decided I'd walk to work for the first time and take Django with me.  Well, walking to work on your own, on pavements in soft shoes is so much harder than walking in good company on grass in walking boots with a lovely view...who knew?  I reckon if you multiply the miles by about 6 then you get the equivalent. 

By the time I was half-way to the office my leg was complaining. By the time I got home in the evening I had slowed down to half my speed and was ready to cry.  I felt so pathetic - for heaven's sake it was a 1/4 of what I'd walked last week if I include walking around town and shops etc. 

I grimly had to write a note to myself - I am not ready to walk to work yet.

Photo illustrating the pleasantness of holiday walking compared with work walking

On Wednesday it ached but I was still feeling confident of being able to go for a walk on the clifftop with a friend on Saturday.  

This morning I took Django down to the field, a short 25 minute round trip. I took my walking stick because I felt as though I'd need it and I did, I felt as though I'd stepped back on my ladder by 2 months. I spent most of today at work with an ice-pack down my jeans, eating Kendal Mint Cake as comfort food.  

So, the leg says 'No' and has demanded rest and relaxation.  I have no choice but to submit to it for a few days (except for those short trips down to the field because Django has to be walked).  I'm not particularly good at submitting to whinging body parts but sometimes it has to be done.  

It was probably not a good combination of overdoing it and the come down from a fantastic week with my husband, and the PMS probably hasn't helped how I feel about it.... 

So, I will be suggesting swapping the clifftop walk on Saturday for coffee and a chat instead.

What type of friend are you?

A friend of mine said something today which made me think - she said she'd been deleting all the really unpleasant people she knows from her Facebook friends.

Well that begs so many questions, but mainly....  firstly if they are unpleasant why were you friends in the first place?   or maybe they were just 'acquaintance' friends, we all have some of those.  Secondly, are they really unpleasant or have they just said one thing you don't like?   Thirdly, isn't 'unpleasant friend' rather an oxymoron?

The verocity with which she said it shocked me rather, although it probably shouldn't (knowing the individual concerned).     I commented that I didn't think I had any really unpleasant friends, to which she replied that unfortunately she does.  This I must admit I took with rather a large pinch of salt as her friendships seem to run hot and cold all the time. Please excuse the mixed metaphors.

This is what I got when I searched Google Images for 'unpleasant friends'.  Hmm I guess they don't turn up with one of these in their pocket?

I can count the number of close friends I have on one hand - the ones I could turn to in a crisis.  Of course I have many more that number of casual friends and acquaintances but maybe I just don't get involved enough with them to find out if they are really unpleasant or not.  A bit like not finding out your partner's worst habits until you live with them.

The most I have to complain about is irritating friends - the ones who always seem to be negative, or mushy, or overly opinionated.  But that isn't the same as being unpleasant.

That then got me thinking about how much we attract different types of people as our friends. How much of whether they are 'pleasant' or not is to do with them, and how much is to do with what we expect of them which they don't or can't live up to?  Or, they expect things of us which we don't or can't live up to?  Either of those situations can cause bad feelings to build up, or just explode one day.

Or does what one person considers 'unpleasant' differ from another's?  Undoubtedly but I'd have thought we all agree if a person was generally nasty.

My final thought was that sometimes you have to keep certain friends slightly at arm's length. Get too enmeshed with them and you might find yourself saying the wrong thing one day, and being deleted because you're unpleasant.

I Want More

So I came home yesterday from a fantastic week away with Mr H. I was well out of my comfort zone, in fact so far out of it that it got quite stressful at times.  But all in all, it was a Very Good Week.

On my way home I was thinking "Right, here we go. On the way home. Back to normal."

But then I realised that I don't want to go back to normal.  I don't want to slip back into the eat / sleep / work / study routine.   I want more.

I just have to work out how and where to create that 'more' in my life.  Just a few small things a week that make it different to the week before.

Now there's a challenge.

Reverse competitiveness

Maybe it's a British thing, but I've really noticed over the time I've been studying with the OU a kind of 'reverse competitiveness' amongst my fellow students.

It manifests itself in comments like "Oh I'm so far behind, I expect you've already finished it!" or "You're getting so much better marks than me, you're doing so well and I'm hopeless at it" or "I can't believe I got 97%, I thought I'd totally flunked it and was dreading my mark!" (yeah, sure you did).

I even find myself defending myself when someone comments on what stage I'm at compared with them: "oh no I haven't finished it, in fact I did no studying at all last week".   Why can't we just admit if we're enjoying something, or finding it easier than someone else might - the next module it might be the other way round. It's almost as if people need to prove how much they are struggling so they can get a group hug.

I'm not saying I'm not sympathetic to those that are struggling, but sometimes I really doubt they are finding it any harder than I am. It's just that I have more time to spend on it than some.

OU is of course different to 'normal' university because almost everyone has either a full time job, or a family, young children, caring for elderly parents, or sometimes all of the above. Yes there are some younger ones who are studying it full time but I imagine they are in the minority.  So, all of us have other commitments, are different ages and have a varying number of hours in the week to study.  We also have different strengths and weaknesses.  It's 100% certain that we'll all work at different speeds and struggle with (or not) different modules.

I also find it quite depressing how there is this expectation of having to moan about how hard/boring certain chapters are, or how un-supportive the tutor is ("gosh you're so lucky, my tutor is useless and takes over an hour to reply to an e-mail").  This, then, is the build up to being able to bemoan a 'low mark' - it was boring/I didn't get the support from my tutor.

What is more surprising on my current course is that we're studying Psychology for goodness sake... surely we should be able to look at ourselves by now and see what we're doing when we make these comments?   Physician, heal thyself.  Or at least have a stab at dealing with that lack of self-confidence which is most likely what is behind it all.

Hmm, it's probably a good thing I'm not training for a career in counselling...?

Honesty is the best policy

The other day I saw the orthopaedic expert for an assessment and he will report back to my solicitor.  I was (of course) 100% honest in my answers to his questions, and in my assessment of myself and what I can and can't do.

It got me thinking though. How many people in my situation would have limped into the room, groaned with pain sitting down in the chair and then wildly exaggerated how much pain they were in, and how they could barely walk up stairs let alone walk the dog for an hour.  Just so they could try and get a few more quid compensation. Hmmm, I'm thinking quite a lot of people.

I might have mentioned before how anti-spurious-compensation-claims I am, and how weird it felt being involved in a genuine one (let's face it, she has screwed up quite a few months of my life, physically and mentally, and who knows when I'll be back to normal?).  Hence there is No Way I would lie to an assessor who probably has a fair idea of what he's expecting anyway.

I lied to my orthodontist when I was 13, forgive me if I've told you this before. He asked me whether my gums bled when I brushed me teeth. I lied and said 'No', at which point he told me that they would if I'd been brushing my teeth properly. Damn, damn!    It was around that point that I learned that lying to an expert is probably going to backfire.

I always like having my eyes tested because I have no idea what they are finding out from their various tests with different lenses, so there is no earthly point in lying about my answers in an effort to stay out of the Wearing-glasses Club (and no, I'm still not a member, although I think I'd look quite good in them so in a way it's disappointing).

Why do we sometimes try to second guess what experts (or others) are driving at?  even if we don't lie, we are trying to work out what would be the best answer.  They must word their questions very carefully sometimes to try and ensure they get the truth and not what we think is what they want to hear.

Then there's the question of just not mentioning something ("that you may later rely on in court") - does that count as lying?   I regularly don't mention things to my parents because I don't want to have the Whole Conversation about it, but if they asked me outright there is no way I'd be able to lie to them. By the time I'd thought of the lie, my subconscious would have already blurted the truth out of my mouth.

I am generally pretty good at keeping my mouth shut when it matters though, if I'm told something in confidence it stays in confidence.

And now I've strayed off the original subject, so I'm off to make my packed lunch for my train journey!

Risk analysis

In the last 3 months there have been two young ladies in the news who went missing, and then their bodies found.  One apparently left from her flat with someone, the other was the victim of a taxi-driver at 2am.

When I was walking through the back paths of the woods this morning I idly started wondering how long it would be before anyone missed me, and how long before they found me, if I was attacked in the woods.  I decided it wouldn't be very long as I'm expected at my parents this evening, and it wouldn't be hard for them to deduce I was somewhere in the car with Django, and then to find the car.   I remembered my self-protection course I went on a few years back, after which I walked with my hand on my car/house keys in my pocket just in case. I wonder how many of the techniques I'd remember now if I had to?

I rarely think about any dangers in dog-walking alone. Mainly I think most murderers would probably be too lazy to be in the places I am, and then hang around on the off-chance of a girl on her own happening to walk past.  Popular city parks are a much easier target.

So, there you have my cheerful thought for the day!

On holiday! :-)

Well here I am, it's Friday night and I'm on holiday!!  at least sort of, I'm not leaving until Sunday lunchtime when I board a train to the Peak District (4 hours north of here) for a week away with Mr H.  I've just been on the phone to my dad's cousin who we are meeting while we are up there, she is great fun and we don't get to see her often enough.

Before then I have to do the packing, which is always difficult at a time of year when the weather could do absolutely anything.

Sooo not sure when I'll talk to you again but you can be sure there will be photos when I get back ;-)

In the meantime here are a couple of Django being not quite sure about a Shetland pony up on the Forest...